How to Recognize Cyber Bullies

I'm sure all can agree that the internet is a fantastic place to find information, broaden ones horizons and even find a killer recipe for chocolate cheesecake. But the Internet is used for much more these days and for some, it is a social avenue that ends in potholes and road construction delays along the way.

One such delay to ruin an otherwise enjoyable trip down the information highway is the Mr. Nasty's of the net. They are a sorted bunch. The individuals within are often quite frankly the playground equivalent of the bully on the block without the monkey bars and curly Q slides, but with technological expertise that staggers the mind and oftentimes crashes the computers involved.

I have been fortunate to be employed by several companies in member management online. Simply said I "ride herd over the members and make sure they play nice in the sandbox". Sounds easy right? Think again. This is not a job for sissies nor is it a job for the faint of heart. Some of the interactions with said members who won't play nice can turn ugly pretty darn quickly.

For you see, it seems that many hide behind an icon and moniker online which like Wonder Woman's bracelets give them some sort of magical power. They wield their keyboard and keystrokes like Voldemort his magic, zapping everything in their way that displeases them and leaving in their wake a scene of destruction that rivals that of Kosovo ala virtual reality.

How to recognize these bullies is always the trick, as many cannot be identified until it is far too late. One of the first clues as to the cyber bully is his/her narcissistic attitude. That does not mean that they have a mirror conveniently placed near their computer, though with some of them I wouldn't be surprised if they had a wall plastered with them directly opposite their desk. It simply means that this individual craves attention so deeply that he/she will do anything and everything to garner attention no matter what it might be. Good or bad, attention to these folks is what they want and strangely enough, even when they are the fish in the barrel so to speak with cyber weapons pointed at them from all angles, they are at their height of glory. For they have the attention and that is all that counts.

Another identifying factor for these individuals is their reluctance to give any sort of ID to themselves. Don't get me wrong; many online keep their identification secret as a safety measure. And that is perfectly understandable and acceptable. It is not these individuals I am talking about. I'm talking about the person who teases and taunts with bits and pieces of his/ her professional background with the sole intent on impressing and belittling those around him/her. This individual in his/her own special way goes about the whole cyber relationship thing as "I am doing you a favor by being friends with you." Sounds obvious, right? Wrong. Many fall into the trap of thinking they are "special" because this person has deigned to be their friend and do anything and everything to keep his favor, including fighting his/her battles online, so the individual they are putting on a pedestal does not have to get his feet muddied in the process. One rule of thumb about these persons to keep in mind, if they sound too good to be true, too professional for a mere blogging community, they probably are. Individuals with the sort of expertise these people often claim to have, rarely have time for extended casual interaction on the internet, and certainly if they are on blogging communities they do not participate as much as the above mentioned individual does.

And lastly, one of the most often overlooked attributes of the cyber bully-want-to-be-big shot is that of a superiority complex. This may seem at the beginning to be simple pride in work but on further study shows that this individual truly feels he/she could make the site or group better if only they were given "free rein". Oftentimes this person will be overheard making statements such as "If I were running this site, it would be a success" or "If they would listen to me, their membership would go through the roof" or even "If this site would just hire me, all their problems would be solved". Individuals with this "self love" complex are to be avoided at all costs. They not only will devote all their time and energy into proving to the site in question that they are invaluable but will suck everyone in their vortex into the whirlwind of over inflated ego with them, chewing up the weaker individuals and spitting them out in the process.

These persons seem easy to identify don't they? Well, they are and they aren't, both at the same time. Sad but true, these individuals oftentimes possess a slick exterior and charming façade that is virtually unbreakable and when others do see a chink in the armor, the Jim Jones part of their personality comes out and the charismatic leader convinces them that they aren't seeing the whole picture and he/she is being cast in a bad light.

Long story short here folks, my advice (and it comes from several years of experience with thousands of individuals on the internet) is to consider where you are and place "Mr. /Ms. Too good to be true" in the right light. For if you get down to brass tacks, it is very doubtful that anyone of any super special talent would be working for and controlling the social aspects of an online community for free. Simply said, if these individuals are as good as they claim to be, they most likely will be working long hours in a real office, for a real company and wouldn't be playing around in cyber space for mere dollars a day.

I leave you with this as well. We all use one persona or another online for one reason or another. I myself have had several monikers throughout the years tryign to find just the right fit. I freely admit it and have no problem with others doing the same. I am a simple writer/educator and have no need to make myself over into a rock star diva to garner attention for my writing. My monikers have been used in all innocence and not to deceive as many others do as well.

But that said, here is where it gets scary. Most users of the internet realize that many members online are not whom they seem to be. We all know many hide behind icons and user names for one reason or another, rarely sticking their heads out of the rabbit hole to show their true faces. Consider this the next time Mr./Ms. Cyber Community big shot comes out to play. Are they really an executive in big business, a self-made man making millions on the east coast or even a high roller in Vegas? Chances are pretty darn good (and I say this out of experience) that high roller may well be a guy in a run down trailer court sitting at a big box computer piggy backing on free internet from the motel next door, the gal at the corner convenience store, logging on during lulls in selling gas and beer, or some lonely individual managing a long term hotel chain working the night shift, who leaves his computer on 24/7 because he doesn't want to miss any action online. The Internet is often a place where people remake themselves, make friends and generally interact, most oftentimes in a good way. But it also can be the breeding ground of bullies; stalkers and self made cyber know it alls who wreak havoc on all they come in contact with.

Learn from mistakes I've witnessed and many I've made. If a person sounds too good to be true and they are on a site that garners them possibly $2-$4 a day in revenue, then they probably are. Walk away and walk away slowly, the cyber bully beast is a dangerous one when confronted. Never show a naked under belly and never turn your back. Leave him/her be and enjoy your cyber experience for what it is, a step out of reality into a place where you can interact with others. And never take it too seriously; for when that happens, the cyber bullies win and take it from one who knows, they are as poor a winner as they are a loser.

Have fun, stay safe and watch out for the trolls. They are everywhere and strike without a warning. Keeping an eye peeled, a thick skin and a somewhat ambivalent air about yourself online will allow you to enjoy your experience with a minimum of scars and above all, remember that you can easily end a cyber battle. The beauty of the Internet is all you have to do is click the little "x" in the upper corner of any page that begins to turn sour. No excuses and no Goodbyes. Try it once, it is delightfully refreshing and strengthening.

And above all, enjoy yourself, life is too short to be tied to a site where someone makes you miserable. Move on, there are greener pastures ahead. That I can guarantee.