How to Recognize a Manipulator - Five Red Flag Warnings

If you're not careful a master manipulator can get whatever he wants from you by using everything he (or she) can do to accomplish his agenda. A manipulator is someone who tricks others into doing something for him, using any means to manipulate. Although manipulation is easily recognized in children, sometimes it's harder to spot in adults. Instead of falling for a manipulator's charm, look for these red flags if you don't want "succor" written across your forehead.

Red Flags Which Scream "Manipulator"

*Tears----When someone wells up with tears in his eyes, it doesn't' necessarily mean their genuine tears. Changes are they're phony tears used to manipulate you to feel sorry for them so they can accomplish their goal of getting whatever they want from you. In other words, if someone trying to persuade you cries, don't be fooled, but realize there's a reason behind the tears.

*Charm----I remember how a sales person, whom I'd never met, once stood at my front door and spotted one of my oil paintings, exclaiming, "That picture is incredible! Are you the artist?" Years ago, when I had "succor" written across my face, I was taken in with charming people. Now, somewhat wiser, I'm more on guard when someone compliments me, especially a person who doesn't even know me. Another red flag is when they say, "Venice---what a lovely name!" Or, "You don't look old enough to be a grandmother!" If you've ever been deceived by a charmer, there's nothing like being suspicious of people who overly flatter you.

*Persuasion---Watch out for people who are so articulate that they try to persuade you with articulate speech to get their way.

*Guilt----Manipulators are masters at using guilt to get you to do what they want. They try to project guilt on others so they appear as the victim. If someone tries to make you feel bad at something that was actually a result of a his poor choice, then don't fall into a trap of believing it's your fault because he had to suffer consequences. Often addicts are pros at using guilt (better known as projection) to avoid facing the truth about themselves. It's only through therapy and an inner healing of self-awareness, such as working a "12 Step" program that they stop using guilt to get what they want.

*Lying---As manipulators are anything but truthful, you need to look for body language to detect signs for lying. For example, does he not look you straight in the eye? Does he shift his eyes when he talks? Besides having shifty eyes, a liar will exhibit little or no physical expression. On the contrary, his hand arm, and leg movements are more toward his own body, which takes up less space. Also note if his hands touch his face, throat, and mouth, as well as if he scratches (or touches) his nose or reaches behind an ear. A person who's lying is not known to make contact with his chest or heart area, extending an open hand.

How Do You Deal with a Manipulator?

Don't deal with them! As soon as you know they're manipulating you, turn them, ignoring them. The sooner you learn to recognize the red flags of a manipulator, the better off you will be.