How to Recognize when We're Seeking Approval & Appreciation; Motivation to Change

I need your approval. Is this true? No, I don't know that to be the truth. Do I need my approval? Yes, that seems and/or feels more truthful.

How often do individuals make a decision to be of service, helpful, sacrifice their time, efforts, family life, relationships, beliefs, values, self worth or integrity -all with these inner and outer justifications?

"I'm willing to sacrifice {this is most frequently in a career or work environment, however, by other means as well} all other needs or responsibilities or modify what else matters to me in order to work and satisfy the job, my boss and my perception that I have to/I'm expected to/it's the only way to survive." Sometimes it is modifying ones values, integrity, subjecting yourself to circumstances that you wouldn't "normally" or quality of efforts provided in any given situation, etc. Each individual will know what it is for you internally.

Yet if we were to examine the truth in many cases from within, seeking the truth of the motivation underlying it all and questioned our own thinking -we would discover something different than the excuses, explanations and justifications we give.

We may find that in better budgeting and modification, we didn't need to work excessively just to survive or we could also choose another career path and make better choices for ourselves one step at a time. We may find that we are the ones setting high expectations in our minds, which no one else is carrying about us, even though we are assuming what they are thinking and thus believing when they make a request -that it must be more of a demand based on a higher expectation we fear we cannot live up to.

We will also find most frequently that we are seeking the underlying approval and appreciation of others. That if we do the additional hours (as an example), or continually make ourselves available and always go the extra mile at whatever expense, then the other person will be approving and appreciative; thus, we in return will feel as if we have value and self worth.

To be boldly honest with yourself, when you want to know truth and have a healthy balance in your life, with your family and lifestyle - then it requires for you to be willing to be honest and open and go within and be accountable for your own motivations.

It is also at this point when we come to an awareness that as we look outside the self for self worth and value and those moments are brief and short lived, then by that alone is it clear that when we seek that which is solid, consistent and true -it doesn't come from outside of the self. You must be still and seek from within and be aware of what you are already to have insight and understanding. With this, do you have the ability and knowing for your true intrinsic value and building upon this for self worth; which is the understanding of your intrinsic value by your awareness '"not by judgment or the "good" opinion of other people.

It is a reminder to us through the scripture, Matthew 6:21-23 "21 For where your treasure is, there also is your heart. 22 The eye is the lamp of the body; if therefore your eye be bright, your whole body is also lighted. 23 But if your eye is diseased, your whole body will be dark. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how much greater will be your darkness." (1)

When you become aware of your own motivations, only then can you allow change to transpire because you now know the truth of where it is coming from; within you and not from without. As long as you continue to believe that all of your problems and/or reasons for things in life are the result of something or someone else's choices and nothing to do with your actions, reacts, beliefs or attitude - then you are out of control and will always be "waiting" for someone or something else to do for you, which will never come and you will only know dissatisfaction and temporary moments of happiness that seem unattainable. But remember, that was because none of it belonged to you in the first place; if you blamed everyone else anyway for all your cause and effects.

Understand we are not talking about taking responsibility for actions or behaviors of others however they respond to you or even act out appropriate or not.

Each person is in charge of their own attitude; in doing so they then take charge of their behaviors. When you understand the truth of what motivates you, and then you can have the grace of acting according to your intention verses acting solely out of defense, offense and emotional responses.

Do understand that even those whom believe they are in control by feeling or expressing little "emotion" by not expressing or sharing tears, or expressing when they feel pain/hurt, sadness or extreme joy and give an appearance of being laid back; yet will have occasion to anger, express conversationally with sarcasm, bitterness, negativity or cynicism - this is still all emotional responses, as you can see by the descriptions, only of the other forms. The only difference is these personality types attempt to mask it and generally even from them selves, living in denial, causing them selves and even others more pain then necessary. The belief in being in control here is also false, as we can also see by the fact that when one suppresses any emotion, it by nature, will come out in deeper and stronger more negative forms and expressions because it cannot be hidden, regardless how much it is denied or attempted to be rejected.

This is why it is more intelligent to be truthful within yourself and be clear of your own intentions and motivations so you are not controlled by your emotions and are able to allow then to flow through you with grace as events and life happens and thus let them go verses pretending they don't exist or clinging to beliefs, old concepts that have the emotions attached to them and then denying this is what you are doing and thus, again being consumed and controlled by your emotions and old patterns verses you being conscious and aware and genuine to the goodness of you.

Some may feel or believe, "it's too intense or scary to think about or look at this stuff" in order to "get real" or be genuine and it's easier to just stay like this. Really?

Ask yourself, "How is this working for me so far?" You've complained, been miserable; requested and prayed for change, improvement, reprieve, peace, life to be easier; the weight to be lifted and that a lot of what is -just isn't working for you. So here it is; the opportunity to take that step and it is your choice.

It's pretty easy; just notice your own thinking. Notice your own behavior. Breathe. Be intentional about becoming aware of pausing and noticing what is motivating you internally when you make a decision. Like what? Which ones are making you uncomfortable? Then question those and see how you feel. Ask your self if it's true or not. Then change your thinking from there.

Give yourself permission to change to the person you intend to be now. True nobility isn't being better than anyone else; it is being better than you were before.

Matthew 6:14 "For if you forgive men their faults, your Father in heaven will also forgive you." (1)

If you don't do something the way you intended; you believe it was a mistake. See it as a learning opportunity because you became aware of it and appreciate that you noticed that about yourself. If your action was an offense, then be quick to be humble and apologize from the heart; then you have also been a blessing in the process of your own growth and development of self awareness.

What we share here may help us understand how to better ourselves and to have the same insight into the scripture Matthew 7:1-5 "1 Judge not, that you may not be judged. 2 For with the same judgment that you judge, you will be judged, and with the same measure with which you measure, it will be measure to you. 3 Why do you see the splinter which is in your brother's eye, and do not feel the beam which is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, Let me take out the splinter from your eye, and behold there is a beam in your own eye? 5 O hypocrites, first take out the beam from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to get out the splinter from your brother's eye." (1)

This concludes our sharing in mastering yourself to realize "The Master."

(1) Holy Bible, From The Ancient Eastern Text, George Lamsa's Translation; Jesus' original language Aramaic/The Peshitta