How to Recover from Pregnancy Loss

Having a miscarriage was one of the most difficult experiences of my life. It is very painful and traumatic. This is especially true if you have had multiple miscarriages, like myself. I have had two. I often felt isolated, misunderstood and hopeless. However, there are things I discovered that helped with my loss, and I hope they will help you:

Honor your true feelings.

Don't cover up your feelings just because they are not politically correct and you don't want to offend anyone. You may be feeling hateful towards your doctor, spouse, God, etc. The most important thing you can do for yourself if get those feelings out of your head. You will not recover properly if you are not honest with yourself. If you don't want to tell family or friends your true feelings, write them down, say them out loud to yourself, or share them with a professional. My doctor recommend that I talk to a professional after my second miscarriage and I am so thankful I took her advice.

Take it one minute, hour, or day at a time.

One minute you may feel sad and the next minute you may feel angry. Its perfectly normal for your emotions to frequently change. If one hour you feel fine and then all of a sudden you feel like crying, go ahead and cry. Its OK to be emotional. For myself, some days were easier than others. By taking it in small "chunks" rather than large spans of time helped with my emotions.

Allow yourself to grieve.

Grieving is so important because it's a way to mourn your loss. Don't give yourself a time limit on how long to grieve. Give yourself as much time as you need. Your recovery will go a lot smoother if you don't pressure yourself to "get over it." That's the worst thing you can do. No one can tell you how long it should take. This is not a race. I knew I was getting "better" (I use that term loosely), when I realized I wasn't crying as much.

Don't worry about what other people think.

Many people do not understand how traumatic a miscarriage can be. Unfortunately, everyone will be commenting on your miscarriage. Even though this is extremely difficult to do, don't focus your attention on how others may perceive you. The more you worry about if people think that there is something wrong with you, the harder it will be to recover. After my second miscarriage, I was terrified to go back to work because I didn't want to be "that girl with the pregnancy issues". But, I realized that there was nothing I could do concerning what people thought of me. Accepting this helped me with going back to work.

Give yourself some alone time.

People say things to try to make you feel better, but usually makes you feel worse. You need time by yourself to sort out your feelings. Its OK to tell your family and friends that you need some distance from them. Most family and friends will respect your need for privacy if you let them know. After my second miscarriage, I hardly talked to anyone for weeks. I am so glad I asked for privacy because I didn't have to worry about people saying something that would make me angry. I was able to process what happened and work through my feelings.

Make a memorial for your baby.

Some Web sites offer special necklaces, rings, bracelets and earrings to honor your baby's memory. Some other ideas might include keeping a box with pictures of your ultrasound, writing a poem about your baby, or planting a tree in your baby's honor. I personally wrote a poem and planted two trees for both of my losses.

Get support from other people who have had a miscarriage.

Our family and friends mean well, but they have no clue how much it effects you if they haven't been through it themselves. Finding a support group in your town or online helps with the isolation. Support groups understand that comments like, "you can always try again" or, "at least it happened sooner than later" drives you nuts. It's a way to connect with people who truly understand how you feel. I went to a support group in my town. Even though I was in too much pain to talk, I did find comfort with people sharing their stories. It felt good knowing that people knew how I felt and that I wasn't alone in my grief.

Recovery from pregnancy loss is a very turbulent process. Despite what people tell you, you are never the same. Even though it has been a while, some days are still difficult. However, I try my best to see the blessing in my situation. Because of my miscarriages, I have become a better person. It taught me that I am much stronger than I thought. I have never been happier and its solely because of my painful experience.