How to Reduce the Stress of Caring for Aging Parents

Taking care of your aging parents can be stressful and emotional draining. To help understand the common challenges that come with caring for aging parents and what someone can do to reduce the stress of taking care of aging parents, I have interviewed therapist Harry Cates.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.
"My name is Harry Cates and I am a licensed professional counselor with the lifeworks group. We are a collaborative community of counselors providing comfortable care to our clients. Since 1991 I have worked with the elderly and their families in several capacities ranging from inpatient geropsychiatric treatment to long term care to outpatient counseling to families struggling with the decline of their loved ones. In addition, since 1990 I have worked with relaxation and stress management."

What are some common challenges that come with caring for aging parents?
"Some common challenges of the caregiver include: The inverted power roles that become more and more pronounced. Knowing when to take over financial and medical responsibilities. Hiring help to assist in the care. Organizing a family to share the load of responsibilities. Making decisions in the best interest of the parents care not based on guilt or shame. The financial squeeze of school age to young adult children and caring for aging parents."

What can someone do to help reduce the stress for caring for aging parents?
"Managing the stress of caring for aging parents is mostly about realizing that even the simplest help to your parents can become a burden quickly when other life stressors enter in. First the caregiver has to realistically admit their own limits and enlist help where needed. Second the caregiver should incorporate vacations from the care using friends, family or respite care providers (some of which are volunteer). Third the caregiver should incorporate daily relaxation and healthy self-care. For example, walking, exercising, using relaxation tapes to relax, listen to music and reading. Fourth the caregiver should seek out professional counseling to help them cope with the emotional strain of the stressors and finally the caregiver needs to plan what to do when the time comes when they no longer are able to provide sufficient help."

What if there comes a point when someone feels like that caring for aging parents is more than they can handle. What should they do?
"First become familiar with the options from in home care to retirement apartments to assisted living to nursing facilities. Seek out professional counseling to help get an objective and trained opinion on the situation. Also there are legal and financial issues that must be considered so consult a lawyer for advice. An attorney that specializes in elder care can help with powers of attorney estate planning and unique legal issues surrounding the estate of someone in long term care. This process should involve the aging parent as much as possible and involve the children whether they have been helping much or not. Find out what the available financial resources and what limits do these resources put on the care choices. Then make a plan and adjust that plan according to what is happening with aging parents."

What last advice do you have for someone who is caring for aging parents?
"In the end it seems one of the most important things in caring for aging parents is to know you are not alone even when it feels like it. Reach out to all the available resources early so you will have the connections and familiarity when they become needed. Finally always treat the parents with respect and love."

Thank you Harry for doing the interview on caring for aging parents. If you would like more information on Harry Cates you can check out his website on wefixbrains.com.

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