How to Respect Your Teenager's Need to Spend Time Alone in Their Bedroom

As a teenager, I spent a lot of time to myself in my bedroom. I did not watch TV or play video games like teenagers do today, because I did not have either. I also did not want them. Instead, I would use the time to read, think clearly or do my homework. I could also take a nap if I wanted to and not be disturbed. If you are a parent, you may worry about the amount of time your teenager spends in their bedroom. You may wonder if they are avoiding you, lonely, depressed or just hiding away for some other reason. How can you better understand your teenager's need for time on their own?

Respect

Let's start with the issue of respect. It is your teenager's duty to respect you as their parents and to carry through with your reasonable wishes and requests. But it is important to also your teenager respect. Now that your child is older, they also need to be shown respect. Parents often find it hard to start treating their child as an adult and may not know how to. But one way they can do so is to respect their teenager's desire to spend time alone in their bedroom, if they so desire, without lecturing them about being "anti-social" or "moody". Your teenager may very well be exhibiting traits that make them seem anti-social and moody, but try to look at things from their point of view. Teenagers need time alone to be able to understand and come to terms with the physical and emotional changes they are going through. Hormones will be working overtime and they will need time to adjust to the changes going on in their lives. It is not easy to accept the end of childhood and deal with the onset of adulthood.

Always knock on the door before entering!

How would you feel if your teenager entered your bedroom without knocking? A husband and wife deserve to have their privacy respected and to not have their children just walking into their bedroom whenever they choose. This would be rude and inconsiderate. Likewise, it is not appropriate to just walk in on your teenager without knocking on their door. If you knock and they tell you not to enter at that particular time, then respect that. They may be in the middle of changing and be in a state of undress. As your child grows older, they will no longer feel comfortable with their parents seeing them changing. As soon as your child tells you they are ready to give themselves a bath, realize that this is your cue to step back and give them the privacy they require. It is at this point too, that entering their bedroom unannounced will be a thing of the past. So once you notice the first cue, take the second for granted as well. They go hand in hand. I remember when I was visiting a relative as a teenager and I was changing. She just walked in on me when I was not properly dressed and I felt extremely embarrassed, as I tried to cover myself. She did not see that my privacy had been violated. As she saw it, she was a woman too, so where was the problem? You can show your child the proper respect and consideration by a simple knock. How hard is that?

Do not force them to come out

Your teenager may live in their bedroom for most of their teen years. Do not worry! But, if you have real cause for concern, and they do not seem to be eating or taking care of their usual pursuits, then you may want to tactfully mention this and try to discern what is wrong. Be careful how you approach the subject though, and keep the lines of communication open by letting them know you are available to talk or help in some other way, if needed. Try asking them to spend a few mealtimes downstairs with you at the table, rather than in their bedroom. You may have strict rules in place about not eating in the bedroom and if so, keep to your house rules. They can then return to their bedroom afterwards. It is likely that your teenager just enjoys the quiet surroundings of their bedroom.

Friends

If your teenager's friends come over, get to know them before you allow them to spend time alone with your child in their bedroom. For example, if they are going to help each other with a homework assignment, they will need a quiet room to work in and the bedroom may be the best option. You can encourage their work ethic by asking them to turn off the music and other distractions. It is also a good idea to set up a quiet study area in another part of the home is possible, and see if your teenager will use that instead. But do not refuse to allow their friends to come over if they always spend it in the bedroom. Not all situations are suspicious! Just learn to recognize the difference.

You were a teenager once!

I am able to write this article because I was a teenager not so long ago and I can clearly identify with teenagers who wish to spend time alone from time to time. Even after completing my jobs around the house and taking care of my family, I remember that my parents thought there was something wrong with me for wanting to then spend time alone in my bedroom. They sometimes thought I just did not want to spend time with them, so if you feel the same way, you are not alone. Teenagers are just growing up. The time they spend alone will help them make sense of who they are and where they are going with their lives. Try to remember how you felt as a teenager and see what life must be like for your teenager. It is harder to grow up now than it once was, but with the loving support of you as parents, your child can successfully navigate their teen years.