How to Restore Broken Friendships Worth Saving!

No matter how old you are sooner or later you will run into this dilemma, one of your friendships will be seriously threatened and possibly broken. Maybe you don't know what happened, maybe you don't even care. The word friendship is yet again another word that we throw around without much meaning. In a throw away society, meaningless relationships seem to spring up all over the place and we are left to wonder at our own values and hearts.

Is he/she an acquaintance or a friend?
Before we go any further we must address the subject of friendship vs. acquaintance. Do you know the difference? Are you familiar with the description of what it is to be a friend? What is the definition of a true friend - not a puppet or fair weather friend?

An acquaintance is someone we work with, we hang out with, maybe even go places with, but we don't really share anything deeper then a cup of coffee with. They are easily found and easily lost. Business Associates fall under this category, so do mentors or teachers. Most of your "friends" fall under this category as well.
Those guys/girls are only around when they need something, when it is convenient to be there. More often then not they can not be bothered with your little problems and you really don't feel as if you can trust them enough to share those with them.
Are acquaintances any less important then friends? Perhaps in their own way they too fill an important part, but loosing an acquaintance is not as painful as loosing a friend and is indeed a natural process of growing older.

A real friend is something very hard to find. Those are the rare people that stay by our side in good times as well as in bad and are more often then not found standing shoulder to shoulder with you when times get tough. You may not talk to them daily, but you are always close. Those are the ones you can count on to tell you the truth and to have your back. You can and will confide in them about things you would be too scared to tell anyone else. If you are lucky, you may be able to count 1 or 2 true friends in your entire life and if you have one right now, hold them close and thank your lucky stars. In turn, if you are a good a friend as he/she you will be there for him/her when it is required. You are almost blood and at times more dear. A true friend would never expect you to do something that you would hold against your moral code or that would bring you potential harm. They love you in a way that only a true friend can, not unlike the love of a sibling.

One such rarity is a hard thing to loose and worth fighting to keep.

What can destroy such a friendship?
Repeated thoughtless acts or the complete changing of ones self can be the cause. At times it is the poison tongue of a 3^rd party. Another reason may be the breakdown of honest communication? I said they were rare people, but I never called them saints. Remember, that we all make mistakes, has one perhaps strained your friendship.
Love can be a big issue. Has your friend fallen in love with someone that no longer wishes you in his or her life? Have you fallen in love with someone where the same is the case? Has something from the past caused undue pain that is suddenly resurfacing up? Whatever it was, it wasn't a little thing that caused the issue, but must have been a boulder to swallow.

Is this friendship worth restoring?
That really depends on what broke the friendship to begin with and how close of a friendship it was. Before you take any action ask your-self the following questions.

Was the reason the friendship broke apart at least partially my own doing?
How long were you friends and was your friendship normally solid?
Was this an abuse or false friendship? (In that case don't try to pick it back up)

Is the loose of your friendship affecting your life?

Do you feel a sense of loose, a hole that is there due to the lack of your friendship, or is this only a possession issue for you?
Can you change the circumstances that have caused the friendship to break?

What will be the effect of restoring your friendship and can it ever be the same?

By answering these questions as truthful as possible you will be able to discern if this is indeed a wise decision to make. At times friendships break for a reason. Their time was up and you no longer can gain from each others closeness, at times you may even hold each other back. If the circumstances that caused the break have not changed, then you shouldn't even attempt to fix it for the simple reason that you will just hurt each other more. Sometimes, things are better kept a memory where they are able to remain pleasant instead of becoming a bad taste in your mouth and a fear in your mind. If a betrayal was involved, I advise against it, since the trust has been damaged.

How can you repair a broken friendship?
If you have determined that you are indeed ready to repair the damage done or would at least like to attempt to do so, be advised that it may not be comfortable or easy.
You will have to first be completely open about the issue that caused the break and if you were at fault will have to apologize without any attitude.
It will be up to you to reopen the lines of communication, not in a manner of demand, but in a manner of humility and request. This seems to be one of the hardest things to do for most of us.
Don't talk in a setting that is linked to memories. Find a meeting place were you both can talk freely and uninterrupted. Be willing to listen with an open mind and express your feelings and thoughts carefully.
Be prepared to take baby steps. You friendship will very seldom go back to full force from the beginning on, and more and like will never be the same again.
Once trust is lost, it takes by nature a while to rebuild such trust.
Don't come across as pathetic or needy. Self-pity is not something that will endear you at this point.
Offer suggestions as to how things can be repaired and be open to hear his/her suggestion as well.

Allow both of you some time after you make the first contact. Give yourself and our friend some space.
After clearing the air you may want to recall some of the memories that made you both so dear to each other. The hardest however must be the willingness to walk away, without hate, without condemnation. Sometimes, the instant response to a request is a solid "no", but that solid "no" can change into a maybe and then a yes if you give your friend enough time to think. Avoid pressuring and don't try to put feelings of guilt or worst try to manipulate. A friend doesn't do that to a friend.

Forgive is the greatest gift that one Friend can give to another and so is understanding. Neither comes easy, but both are what are required to mend a broken friendship worth saving.