How to Get Rid of a Critical Spirit

My grandmother lived to be 91, and I don't remember ever hearing her say a mean or critical thing about another person. Not only did she refrain from saying something bad, but she managed, even in the most unlikely cases, to find uplifting and encouraging words to share in every situation.

I remember a female cousin my sisters and I detested. She wore horrible outfits, smelled like she hadn't had a bath in months, and argued about anything and everything in a nasty, screechy voice. When we heard she was coming, we all tried our best to figure out a way to be somewhere else, but not my grandmother. She would greet my cousin with, "How nice of you to stop by, Kathy. My, but that dress is a pretty shade of blue. It matches your eyes perfectly." Kathy would beam, and actually act decent for a while after her encounter with my grandmother. My sisters and I were amazed. We had been so caught up in our pre-conceived opinions of Kathy that we hadn't even noticed her dress or her eyes.

Even then, as a child, I knew that my grandmother had a much more loving spirit than I did. I usually went out of my way to point out the faults of others, rather than the good things. Maybe, it was a way of making my own fault seem smaller.

As the years went by, I will confess that I didn't make much effort to change. But then one day, a friend and I were in the mall when a young woman, who must have weighed 400 pounds, walked past us. I said, "If I weighed that much, I wouldn't even go out in public." The words coming out of my mouth sounded harsh, even to me, and my friend turned to me and said, "You are one of the most critical people I have ever met."

That hurt....but it was true, and sent me home to do a bit of soul-searching that day---quite a bit if you want to know the truth. I remembered my grandmother and how she had always managed to find something good to say. I also remembered some Bible verses that talked about letting those who are without sin cast the first stone, and about how we are to think on things that are good and true.

That same day, I wrote down some steps that have helped me in my fight against that critical spirit, and it has been a real fight. The habit of always seeing the bad had become deeply engrained.

I wish I could say that the critical spirit in me is dead, but every now and then it rears its ugly head and has to be slapped down again. I will say, that I think I am a better person than I was that day in the mall when my friend had the courage to tell me the truth.

If you recognize that a critical spirit has taken up residence in your life, maybe the steps that helped me will also help you.

1. Recognize that having a critical spirit is a REAL problem; one that is detrimental to you and to those around you.

If you aren't sure that you are really a critical person, take time to listen to yourself. Do you put people down frequently? If someone else says something nice, do you counter by saying, "but.......

2. Don't justify a critical spirit by saying, "I was just telling the truth."

Even the truth can cut deeply if it is not accompanied with great wisdom. We don't have to say everything that pops into our minds, even if it is true.

3. Practice finding something nice to say to every person you meet.

You don't have to lie in order to do that. A brief comment about her interesting name or an unusual ring she is wearing may get an over-stressed grocery clerk through the remainder of a really bad day.

4. Use the phone or e-mail to let a friend or loved one know that you appreciate something they have done.

It can be something as simple as, "Thanks for helping me set up chairs for the meeting the other day. I don't know what I would have done without you." Everyone likes to know they are appreciated.

5. Guard your tongue as though it were a very powerful and precious asset, because it is.

With your tongue, you can build or destroy the life of another person. With your tongue, you can influence a whole room full of people. With your tongue, you can change a normal teenager into a rebellious one. With your tongue, you can make friends or enemies. And, with the tongue, you can turn your enemies into friends.