How to Get Ripped Off when Buying a Home

There's a lot of good advice on home-buying available, so I thought I would explain how prospective buyers can make the worst deal possible.

Find the house you want and do not budge on this. It may be too high priced, it may need more fixing than you had planned on, or the payments could be catastrophic to your finances. None of this matters in the least. All that matters is that you are 100 percent satisfied with the home you purchase. If you are not totally satisfied, then keep looking until you are. Do not settle for anything less than what you see as your perfect house. Once you find your idea of perfection, you must resolve to be as unmovable as the Rock of Gibraltar with your selection. Don't let anyone else try to persuade you to keep looking and don't bother to look at comparable homes to make sure your dream home is priced right.

When you meet the owner of the house, barely use a civil tone of voice and make sure you demean and diminish everything in the house. Insult it all, including the paint scheme and the appliances in the kitchen. Don't forget to malign the exterior and any plants or trees as well. You may also want to let the owner know that you've watched plenty of home-buying infomercials so it would be a waste of his time to try to hoodwink you. Don't bother with a buyer's agent either because those guys on late night tv know so much more than any Realtor, right?

When making your first offer make sure the dollar amount is insultingly low. You can always raise it later, and you don't want the owner or his agent to think that you're a naive push over. Don't bother to find out what other houses in the area sold for, all that matters is the house you're trying to buy. Even though you are determined to buy this particular house, do not let that be known to the buyer. As a matter of fact, when beginning negotiations, show yourself to be as inflexible and as intractable as possible.

When it comes to the financial aspect of purchasing a home, there's a lot of needless steps that you may be able to avoid. For example, why bother checking your credit score before you find the house? Your credit score could affect the type of mortgage you qualify for. But what if you go to all the bother of checking your credit, and then you inherit a ton of money from your great Aunt Mildred? You'd be filthy rich, so checking your credit would've just been a big waste of your time. The same principle applies to getting pre-approved for a mortgage. Why bother to prove that your credit, debts and income can be documented until you're sure of which house you want. You're the buyer, and the seller should have to wait for you to be qualified and should even be grateful that you're doing him a big favor by taking his property off his hands.

Once you have a mortgage plan in place, don't worry about the payments you'll have to make. After all, even if money is a bit tight, you should be getting a raise at work one day. Don't worry about trying to budget for home repairs, car maintenance, or your kid's college costs. Filling your head with worrisome thoughts could definitely impair your enjoyment of your new house.