How to Sabotage Your Fantasy Baseball League

It's that time of year again, not even a quarter of the baseball season dented and your fantasy baseball team is in the gutter. Either you are in Disabled List Hell or all your sleeper picks you made during the draft turned out to be in comas, but you're 26 games out of first and floundering. Being a fake general manager hasn't panned out from the promise of Opening Day, so why not let your inner 12-year-old unleash anarchy on unsuspecting adult strangers? It's the American way. Here's a few tips to get you started on your uncharismatic meltdown:

Make Insane Trade Offers

Sure, you bartering Alex Rodriguez for Wandy Rodriguez sounds outrageous on paper, but remember, you're not dealing with paper. You're online. You're not really flushing $25 million a year down the toilet. Even if the lopsided trade is quickly vetoed by other managers, it sends a clear message: you are insane, but not insane enough to where you can't use a computer, and that, my friend, is a scary truth.

Free Agency Hot Potato

Leagues typically allow you 5 or 6 roster spots a day for pitchers. Why not utilize these roster spots every single day by playing musical chairs with some dead wood? Here's what you do: Compile a group of players you could afford to lose, and every day, drop those bums and fill your roster with pitchers who are scheduled to pitch the next day. Do this every day of the season. It works best by taking a gamble on pitchers facing crappy teams; you get the win and the strikeouts. This bush league move may actually improve your ranking, although inevitably somebody is gonna notice your 500 roster moves by All-Star Break and say something on the group message board.

A New Team Name Every Hour

What better way to show off your mismanagement of free time than by changing your team name like Pat Sajak changes his neckties? For a special touch of class, change your team name to the exact team name of the team in first place. Is that Harpo or is Lucille Ball? I can't tell!

Build A Non-Fantasy Team

Trade away your current team to build an entire lower echelon team, like the Colorado Rockies. You may have to trade Albert Pujols and Johan Santana for Todd Helton, but it'll totally be worth it when your legendary 2007 fantasy baseball season is relayed during your eulogy by your best acquaintance.

All-Whatever Team

Similar to the completionist vision of the non-fantasy team, this option is to instead pick a theme and accrue players who fit the profile. Try the "Guys With Girly First Names Team." The possibilities are limitless, unlike your love life.

There are 162 games in the baseball season, almost half a calendar year. If you're gonna piss away that much of your lifespan, you might as well have fun doing it. And even if this mayhem proves unfulfilling, fantasy football is just around the corner, waiting to be tampered with by the likes of you and your soggy diaper.