How to (Safely!) Use Craigslist Personal Ads to Find a Date

If you've been on the dating scene for a while, you're probably tired of the bars and nightclubs. Maybe you tried the church singles club, or an expensive local singles outing group. Maybe you're a single parent who doesn't have time to get out and find someone. You're not alone. Online dating websites abound and are fast becoming the method of choice for finding and screening appropriate dating partners.

Many online dating sites start out as free, or offer only a limited amount of their services to non-paying customers. Some sites charge over $50 a month, making finding that special someone an expensive proposition. Also, while these sites don't require that you post a picture of yourself, you're far less likely to receive any kind of response with no picture posted. Many people do not want their picture posted on a website that can be accessed by the public because, let's face it: most people do not want their classmates, coworkers, or relatives to see them on a dating website.

Craigslist, a free website commonly used to buy and sell items locally, also features personal ads. Whether you're gay or straight, male or female, Craigslist has an area for your ad. In addition, it has an area called "Casual Encounters" for those who are looking for a "no strings attached" type of relationship, and an area called "Missed Connections" for people who are trying to connect or reconnect with people. If you just want to find a local friend, try the "Strictly Platonic" section.

When used to find potential dating partners, Craigslist offers a number of benefits and drawbacks. As far as benefits, if you're a woman, you have a lot of men to choose from. Men advertising on Craigslist personals outnumber women by a considerable amount. Another benefit is that Craigslist is completely free. The best benefit by far, though, is the fact that no one expects you to post a picture of yourself on Craigslist.

The drawbacks to posting a personals ad on Craigslist are not insignificant. If you are a woman posting an ad on Craigslist, you should be prepared to receive a number of unwanted and inappropriate replies to your ad. You may receive pictures you never wanted to receive, pictures of men wearing fewer clothes than you'd like, or pictures of body parts that you don't really need to see prior to a first date. Sometimes replies are aggressive or confrontational (especially if you have listed some very specific likes or dislikes regarding a potential partner). The main thing to remember is that your ad is anonymous, and those emails are easily deleted (but perhaps not as easily forgotten).

How to avoid some of these drawbacks? Be very careful when initially placing your ad. It is up to you as to whether or not you want to post a picture of yourself, but most people on Craigslist do not. Most people briefly describe themselves and their interests, and also provide a brief description of the qualities and characteristics they are looking for in a partner. Be honest. But when you're being honest, also be a little vague-- you don't want an ad that clearly identifies you as you, if you're seeking anonymity from family members and coworkers who may peruse the Craigslist personal ads.

State clearly what kind of relationship you are looking for: are you looking for a long-term relationship? Do you want to start out slow? Do you need a lot of space? Do you just want someone to hang out with on a Friday night, with no expectations for the future? Make sure you're fairly clear about what it is you want out of your potential dating relationship.

Make your ad friendly, using a lot of positive language rather than a huge list of "don't wants" and undesirable characteristics you are avoiding. But if there are some things that are deal breakers with you (for example, men who are married, drug users, smokers), make sure you get those criteria in.

Before you post that ad, one more thing: create a dummy email account. Use Gmail or something similar to create a free email account used just for this purpose. Those people who respond to your ad will not have any of your identifying information or your email address, but if you reply to their email, they will have you email address that might contain information that could be used to identify you. At the earliest stages, it is better to remain as anonymous as possible. When creating your dating email address, make the address have something to do with one of your hobbies (for example, rkclimbrgrl82@email.com) instead of your name. And whatever you do, do not use your work email account for online dating.

If you get a reply or two that seems promising, let them know you're interested by emailing back. Use only your first name or nickname, whatever you're comfortable giving to a stranger online, and see where it takes you. Beware of anyone who, early into the online communications, wants your full name or phone number. Try to get to know this person as much as possible online before disclosing any identifying information.

If online communication goes well and there is mutual interest in a face to face meeting, your best bet is a lunch date. This way, if there's no connection or your date is otherwise a dud, you have a convenient way to make a relatively quick escape-- you have to get back to work, after all! Meet at a restaurant in a well-populated area, of course, and do not park your vehicle in a part of the lot that is not highly visible. If possible, leave after your date does.

Where you go from there is up to you. But always be careful. If one date leads to several and you think you might end up in a relationship with this person, do yourself a favor and hire a licensed private investigator to perform a background check. This might cost you about $100, depending on the going rate in the area in which you live, but it's a small price to pay to find out that the guy who seems so perfect has a restraining order against him from his last girlfriend, or that he has several DUIs.

And if he turns out to be a dud, well-- there are plenty more fish on the Craigslist personals.