How to Safely Tell Your Lover's Wife that He's Cheating

Whether you knew your lover was married or not when you met is irrelevant at this point, but for one reason or another you have decided that it's time for his wife to know about her husband's cheating. Whether it's a sense of obligation, guilt, the need for freedom, anger, or the revelation of his union with another woman and/or children that may be involved, you are ready to take the leap and inform your lover's wife about his mistress....you. Before you take the noble step into that fire, however, you may want to consider the dangers that lie in the situation. Take the following tips to heart before making any decisions that could permanently affect the lives of all involved in this unfortunate situation.

First, while your intentions may be pure, consider your own reputation and protect your personal information. Even if you were unaware of the fact that your lover was married, his wife may view you as the main culprit. As such, she may take out her "slashed a hole in all four tires" moments on you, rather than her husband. Not only that, but being the "other woman" places you in danger of harassment, abuse, and even violence from both your lover's wife and any concerned family members or friends she may have. When delving into the details of your escapades, be sure never to give away your last name, your workplace information, or any personal details that could be used against you. Temporarily take down any online social networking pages or blogs with your picture that could be used to sully your name. Remember, it's not up to your lover's wife to believe you. Her first reaction will be anger, and she'll be more likely to take it out on you than on the man she loves. Be prepared.

On that disconcerting note, approach your lover's wife apologetically on the day you plan to rock her emotional world. She will need consoling, and no one will be available to her other than the woman who, in her mind at least, single handedly wrecked her home. As a woman, try to understand that you have not heard her side of the story and, despite what your lover may have told you about all of her shortcomings, she may in the midst of a battle to salvage her marriage already. She may be totally unaware that anything is wrong. Either way, use that knowledge to humble yourself, even if you feel you are not to blame. Doing so can keep a potentially explosive conversation from getting out of control, which is safer for all involved.

Next, consider your timing carefully before approaching your lover's wife. Where is she in her life right now? Is she at a point where she can handle the news you have to deliver? In other words, is she ill, pregnant, or going through a crisis of her own already? If so, wait it out. While you may feel the need to tell her what's going on as soon as possible, doing so would be selfish. Unloading your conscience at her expense is a distasteful idea. If her husband has been cheating for a while, she can wait a few more weeks before she learns of his behavior. The only exception to this rule would be if you know that she is about to make a life altering decision that would only further complicate matters, such as trying to conceive with her unfaithful husband.

Next, ask a close friend or loved one to go along with you if you decide to meet your lover's wife in person for this difficult announcement. Even the most even-tempered woman can become hysterical when learning of her husband's infidelity, meaning you could quickly become the victim of an instant assault. It may sound extreme, but it does happen. Bring someone along for not only your physical protection, but also as an emotional buffer when the conversation gets intense.

Finally, speak to your lawyer before filling in your lover's wife about his cheating ways. Marriage is a legal, binding contract, meaning that spouses are sometimes allowed to take legal action against parties that have come together to breach that contract. Even if you have no intentions of giving your personal information to your lover's wife, her husband may confess all of the details upon her interrogation. Your lawyer can help you decide upon the best course of action to take in preparing for the trouble ahead, should there be any.

Telling your lover's wife that you are a part of her marriage's collapse is not only a difficult emotional process, but it can also be dangerous for you and your reputation. Be smart, be calm, and limit the gritty details. When it's all over, you'll be glad you did