How to Safely Walk with the Pros at the US Open at Torrey Pines

Since my current hometown (San Diego, CA)'s favorite public golf course, Torrey Pines GC, is hosting the US Open Championship in a few weeks (June 9-15, 2009), here are a few tips for those of us duffers who are curious about how to conduct ourselves in something in the neighborhood of a gentlemanly manner while fighting our way through the labyrinth that is a roped-up gallery-controlled golf course during a major event. I'm assuming that anyone paying to watch this tournament already know a bit about golf and some common golf-fetish's like not moving or making noise when someone is trying to hit the ball, and that ducking (as in covering your head and pray for a miracle.... no quacking needed) is the appropriate on-the-course response whenever you hear someone hollering 'Fore!'

1. What to bring with you:
- hat and sun-screen lotion - nothing ruins 'the morning after' like an armful of sun blisters... especially ones at the top of your head! If having bright and shiny skin is one of your life's ambition, try using iGlow when going out at night instead.

- a comfortable pair of sneakers - you're walking, not golfing. The camera isn't on you, so lax out!

- a magic marker - please note that there is an official ban on autograph-hunting during the tournament (including when the player is at the practice area before teeing-off until the completion of his round).... though you never know if you'll run into Phil Mickelson or Tiger Woods after they got done playing for the day.

- a lot of enthusiasm - and do bring your kids if they enjoy golf and can be relied on to not wander off or start impersonating a honking swan on a whim (besides, they're letting kids 12 yrs old and younger in for free if accompanied by a ticket-buying adult). Make sure your hat (and other articles of clothing) fits you well and won't end up flying around imitating a UFO with the slightest unexpected puff of wind.

2. What to NOT bring with you:
- shiny or light-reflective clothing - believe me, you don't want to be more visible to the golfers than where they want to hit their ball at...

- cell-phone/pager (or at least have them in 'pulsate' mode) - if ya' think opera audiences are touchy about noise, we've got nothing on the golf pros who wouldn't mind blaming your phone call for missing their (literally) million dollar putt!

- camera (unless you are a member of the press... they will check your ID and badge, so don't try to impersonate one!) - camera is actually allowed during practice rounds (Mon-Wed), but not during the tournament. Make sure the flash is off and that it doesn't auto-rewind when you hit the end of the film!

- golf-shoes with metal spikes - we already know that the folk who watch golf are usually themselves golfers, so nobody is going to be impressed with your metal spikes or the noise they make when you traverse the cart path.

- very young kids who are liable to scream at little or no notice

- cigarette - Torrey Pines GC is a 'public park', and so doesn't allow smoking

- large backpack or purse... the smaller ones might get searched as well

3. Silence and stillness are golden before and during a shot: Wait until the ball has already left the club face before letting loose with the yelling/hollering/cheering/etc. Most golfers are quite fantastically touchy about aural and visual distraction as they approach the ball in the process of hitting a shot. I swear... when a shot is worth a million dollar (or two), their sense of hearing becomes outlandishly refined and even the deafest of these golfers can hear the softest noise that you're sure you aren't making from 40 ft away.

4. Be aware of your surrounding! Even though you may be concentrating on watching the actions on one hole, be aware that you may also be in the line of sight or the ear shot of another group of players on the adjacent hole(s). Also, refrain from making sudden motion. Watch around you before moving. If you are a golfer, then I don't need to warn you how people tend to end up hitting the ball precisely where they don't want to or at a distraction that sticks in their head just then (and it doesn't take much weird movements to make you a curious spot in the still crowd). These pros are better at not doing that than most average golfers, but they aren't immune to it either.... And considering how much harder they hit the ball than average golfers do, if their ball hits you, it's gonna sting a lot more than a strayed shot hit by your easily distracted grandpa would.

5. Be courteous to others: If you find yourself in a good spot at the rope with a large crowd behind you, sit down. If there is a row of seated folks at a green or along a fairway, do your best not to block their view.

6. This should be a no-brainer, but then again... DO NOT advise the player on what to do with their shot. It is against the rule (3-3).... and it makes you look like a pompous arse... which might indeed be a correct assessment, but then again, sometimes it is nicer not to be correctly assessed in front of a large crowd and television cameras, ay?

There is nothing quite like being inspired into putting more work into improving your own golf game after having watched some of the best golfers on the planet competing for one of the most coveted title of the year. So have fun and check out different players... especially the local ones! This could be an experience of a life time for you (and more than a few other fellow spectators). Make sure that you do your best to make it a good experience rather than a bad one!