How to Save a Marriage from a Shopping Addiction

A shopping addiction can lead a couple towards divorce and destroy a marriage. To help understand what type of impact a shopping addiction can have on a marriage and for tips on how to save a marriage from a shopping addiction, I have interviewed C ertified Addictions Therapist and Board Registered Interventionist Carol A. Lawyer, CAC, CCDP, BRI II.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.
"I have specialized in working with Addictions for the last 20 years. I am in private practice, which helps individuals experience a confidential environment to discuss their concerns around their particular addiction. I am a Certified Addictions Counselor and Co-Occurring Disorders Professional. I work with individuals who not only struggle with addictions but also mental health diagnosis. Many times the addiction is co-morbid with an underlying mental health diagnosis."

What type of experience do you have with addiction?
"It is rewarding to help individuals 'connect the dots' with their particular addiction.

I have found a tremendous success rate in working with addictions because what most individuals do not realize is that treatment and outcome is both measurable and predictable with addictions.

When many individuals or families come to me regarding an addictive situation, I am able to help them realize there is much hope because we can start with specific steps to help work towards a recovering process from any addiction.

When you work with any addiction whether it be alcohol, drug addiction, shopping, sex or gambling, we are working towards intervening and helping the individual understand how they can start to let go of the behavior in order to begin working on a more productive process."

Where does a shopping addiction stem from?
"A shopping addiction can stem from many different sources. Any addiction can be hereditary. Also, if there is gambling addiction in the family of origin a shopping addiction is just as likely. They both fall into the same family of addictive processes.

If it is not traced back in the family, sometimes an addiction skips a generation. We continue to learn that most addictions have a tie to our history. Regardless, if there is not a way to learn if it has lived in the family before, most addictions are a way to deal with an uncomfortable feeling that the individual is not able to handle. Using shopping is a way to address anxiety and fear. Fear lies in most addictions. It may not present as fear but if you are able to work with the individual long enough to peal away the layers, fear is usually the culprit. An example would be fear of failure, i.e. I am not good enough.

'Not Enough' usually finds its way into a shopping addiction. Not enough as a mother, not enough as a wife, not enough as a husband, etc."

What type of impact of a shopping addiction on marriage?
"Shopping Addiction can destroy a marriage and find the marriage both financially and emotionally bankrupt. There is nothing left in the marriage if the addiction is not addressed. Many addictions cause individuals to self-sabotage and self-destruct. It is not their intention but the addiction rules."

What can someone do to overcome their shopping addiction and save their marriage?
"If an individual starts to realize that their 'life has become unmanageable' due to their addiction, seeking the help of a professional who specializesin treating addictions will help to demystify the process and help them to gain effective tools to reduce the anxiety of letting go and replace the fear with an effective and doable process. Using Individual Therapy and possibly Group Therapy (which can be one of the most effective methods for treating addictions) and including a 12 Step process can all be very useful in helping the individual to maintain a more productive lifestyle. A marriage can survive the recovery process; it just can't survive the active addiction.

The spouse in the marriage might also seek counseling to help them understand how not to enable the process. 12 Step Groups such as Al-Anon can help them understand how it is not their fault and they cannot fix it. I know that sounds like work, but most addictions for recovery require action and not the thinking process. Most addictions are an action disease and requires action to recover."

Thank you Carol for doing the interview on how to save a marriage from a shopping addiction. For more information on Carol Lawyer or her work you can check out her website at www.interventionfirst.com .

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