How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty

For some people, one of the most difficult words to say consists of merely two letters: NO. If the thought of saying no to someone who asks for your help makes you queasy, you are not alone. But you can't do everything for everyone, no matter how hard you try! Take heart; you can learn how to say no.

Start by realizing that if you say yes to everyone for everything not only are you harming yourself, it's likely you'll be shortchanging them as well. If you agree to take on every task you can't possibly complete each one of them to your best ability. Chances are with too much on your plate things will fall through the cracks, not get finished on time, or not get done at all. So consider this the next time you are asked to do something and desire to say no.

Make priorities and stick with them. For example, choose a certain charity or type of charity your household will give to and hold to it. The next time you get a phone call asking you to donate to a shelter for homeless hippos you can say no with a clear conscience. Simply state, "Sorry, I have to say no. We only donate to charities that benefit orphaned orangutans."

Be short and sweet. If you give a lengthy reason as to why you are saying no, the person requesting your help has more of an opportunity to convince you to change your mind. If you say, "Sorry, I can't baby-sit for you that night. I have to bake cookies for a bake sale the next day," the person asking for your help might come back with something like, "That's great! The kids love to make cookies. They can help you!" However, if you simply state, "Sorry, you know I love your kids. However, I already have plans for that evening," that doesn't leave wiggle room for the requester, unless they want to sound downright rude.

If it's a task you really don't mind doing, but the timing simply isn't good for you, you can always suggest alternatives. Saying "I have plans Friday night, but I'd love to take the kids to the library on Saturday for story time," is another way that you can say no and not feel the slightest bit guilty.

Say yes with limits. If you feel you are able to complete certain parts of a task or help for certain amounts of time, say so. It's ok to say "I can't drive the kids to school every day, but Mondays are good for me."

And finally, if you really want - no need - to say no and you don't feel like you can come up with a valid reason, here's a trick: tell the person you need to check your calendar and you will call them to let them know. Find a calendar, turn to that date, and poke your index finger squarely on it. Then call the person back and tell them - in all honesty, mind you - "I'm going to have to say no. I am looking at my calendar and I do indeed have something on that date." They don't need to know it's your finger!