How to Select Your Online Dating Photo

A few years ago, I joined multiple online dating sites including Match.com and Yahoo! Personals. Each site allows you to choose a main picture for your profile, and then several others that people see when they click on the main photo, or go deeper into your profile. I experimented with various photos and photo combinations on the different sites, each time learning what was and was not working. Additionally, I was faced with hundreds of photos of potential dates, and I had to determine which photos were the most appealing to me and why.

Accurately presenting what you look like
First and foremost, the photo needs to be a true representation of what you actually look like. It should be a recent photo (taken within the last year) and it should look like you. Your hair should be the same color (or a similar color) and approximately the same length. Your weight should be accurate, as well.

One of my male friends went on a date with a woman he met online, only to find out that she was 20-25 pounds heavier than the photo represented. He wasn't as turned off by her weight as he was by the fact that she misrepresented herself. From the very beginning, her misleading photo indicated that she was someone who he couldn't necessarily trust.

Your goal isn't to select the absolute most attractive photo of you ever taken. Chances are, you don't look like that photo on a day-to-day basis and you are misrepresenting yourself. Your goal is to select a good photo of yourself that accurately represents you so that your date isn't surprised when he meets you. Although an extremely flattering photo of you might get you more dates, it might not get you the right dates.

The wrong photo could be a turn-off to someone who thinks "she's too hot for me". Research indicates that people are attracted to other people who are at the same level of physical attractiveness as them. In other words, if someone considers himself average looking, he probably won't think he could realistically date someone who looks like a supermodel.

What are you doing in the photo?
Once you've identified some recent photos of yourself that accurately represent what you look like on a daily basis, then select one that gives some insight into your interests. Portraits are nice, but they are very posed and don't reveal anything about the person's lifestyle. They aren't unique or attention-grabbing.

Find a photo where you are doing something that you enjoy. Playing the guitar? Holding a basketball? Traveling to an interesting location? These photos are memorable and attach you to your interests and hobbies. These photos can also be good conversation starters: "I see you have a photo of yourself in front of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. How was your trip to Italy?

Be sure, however, that these photos present a clear view of your face, and that whatever you are doing doesn't take away from letting the person get a good look at you.

Facial expression
When I was searching through photos, what attracted me most to certain pictures were facial expressions. I was most attracted to people who had a warm, friendly smile. People who weren't smiling or who were looking too serious were turn-offs. Fake smiles are also easy to identify, so try and find a photo of yourself where your smile is natural and relaxed.

What do you want to say about your personality with your photo? If you are an easy going person, then the facial expression should definitely be relaxed. If you are more of a "type A" go-getter, then your photo should exhibit more energy. Whatever photo you select, remember that your facial expression says a great deal about who you are.

I've noticed that women sometimes have sexy, seductive facial expressions in their photos. I don't necessarily object to this, but it's important to keep in mind the types of people that these photos would attract. Remember, when you go on a date, the person will probably expect you to exhibit that same sexy attitude that you displayed in your photo.

Professional photos
There are services out there that specialize in taking your photo for the sake of online dating. These services probably do more harm than good because your true match is someone who will be attracted to you as you naturally are. When I was doing online dating a few years ago, I had some professional modeling photos of myself. Since they were my "best" photos, those were the ones I used. Big mistake. I was inundated with messages from men who were only interested in my photos and nothing else about me. And I probably scared away some of the more nice, down-to-earth men. I decided I wanted to attract people based on my personality, so I swapped the modeling photos with more casual ones of me in my everyday life. I still received just as many messages, although they were more engaging and a bit less flirtateous.

Even if you are a model, you probably don't walk around looking like you do in those photos on a day-to-day basis. It won't hurt you to include one of these photos deeper into your profile page, but I wouldn't recommend using it as the primary photo.

How many
Most online dating sites allow you to upload a large number of photos. You choose your primary photo, and then supplement it with others. Displaying too many photos of yourself could send the wrong message: "I think I am really attractive so I have included the maximum number of photos possible". I think modesty is the best approach.

Additionally, don't include multiple photos of yourself taken from the same event. Diversify a bit. If your primary photo is one of you in Italy, then maybe another photo shows you hanging out with friends, and another one shows you playing the guitar. Try and tell some sort of story with your photos about you, your interests and your life. If the photos don't accurately represent who you are, the dates you go on will probably not be successful.

Personal turn-offs
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion when it comes to photos and physical attraction. As I woman, the biggest photo turn-off was a photo of a man without his shirt on. To me, this indicates that he is showing off his build, and he thinks that he needs to "market" himself based on his body. I would rather that a man value himself more for his personality, and display a photo that reveals aspects of his personality.

Other turn-offs for me include drunken photos, photos with ex-girlfriends in them, and Web-cam photos taken in front of a computer.

If you don't think that any of your recent photos would work for your online dating profile, then be sure to bring a camera with you the next time you are out and have some photos taken of you in your "natural" setting. And remember to smile. . . your future partner is looking for you!