How to Select Unexpected Christmas Gifts: The Secret is to Listen with Your Heart

Some people enjoy giving gifts and are very good at picking out just the right gift for the right person. While I love to give gifts, choosing the right one has never been my strong suit. But after half a century of selecting gifts, I've stumbled onto a few helpful ideas.

I can remember through the years some times when the choices I made were downright disastrous. There was a time many years ago when my husband was having problems with his back and feet. Since he has never been one to give any hints or suggestions on anything he might like to receive for Christmas, I've always been forced to try to come up with something suitable.

That year I thought a back massager and a foot spa would be just the things he'd enjoy. On Christmas morning when he opened his gifts, the expression on his face was not one of joy. While he would never say he didn't like a gift, the fact that he never, ever used them spoke louder than words. He later let it slip that it made him feel so OLD to receive such health-related products. I'll never make that mistake again!

This past summer, at the age of 69, he bought a new motorcycle. That should tell me and anyone else looking to buy him a gift, that he wouldn't be interested in anything that shouts "OLD" when he unwraps his presents. I offered to buy leathers for him for Christmas, assuming he would appreciate the extra protection when riding his motorcycle. He was horrified. "Don't you dare!" he said.

"What would people think of an old man like me running around on a motorcycle in black leathers? I only wear the helmet so people won't know who I am." So scratch that. Seems he doesn't want to think "old" but doesn't want to look like someone trying to appear younger than he is. And men say women are hard to figure out! I guess I'll get him a GPS unit so he won't get lost while riding his motorcycle around in the mountains. Hopefully that would be a gift that isn't age-specific.

Paying attention to a person in everyday conversations is one way to get a clue about gifts they would like and appreciate. My husband also made a goof or two early in our marriage. Shortly before our first Christmas together we were looking at a display of gifts in a local store window. It was the first time I had seen an electric razor made expressly for women and I commented on it. He asked if I would like to have it. I said very plainly, "No, thank you. I don't want it and would never use it." Guess what I got for Christmas? And no, I never used it but a time or two.

But this past Christmas, he made up for any errors in judgment he might ever have made through the years. After opening a generous number of gifts which I liked and appreciated, and after everyone else was through opening gifts, I thought little of it when my husband left the room. Then he brought out my real gift. He had given me, at the age of 65, the most beautiful violin I had ever seen. I was absolutely overwhelmed. It didn't matter that I couldn't play it. I had always wanted one and he finally realized that.

I bought books and CD's and DVD's and now, a year later, I'm beginning to feel comfortable enough with my attempts at playing to let other people hear me from time to time. I would take lessons if a teacher were available, but in our neck of the woods violin teachers are hard to find. People may think I'm crazy to undertake such a task at such an advanced age, but it brings me great pleasure to try whether or not I ever become a good player. I consider the violin the best (material) gift I have ever received.

Many people assume that because a person is old and incapacitated, the only logical gifts would be such things as robes and slippers, lotions and potions, back massagers and foot spas. For some, that might be true. But it pays to spend enough time talking to a person to find out what they are and have been interested in. Even in a nursing home, they may still have much to offer.

An elderly lady was brought to our town a few years ago and deposited in a nursing home. No one who met her felt she should be there. She had been a piano teacher and writer and was by no means a has-been. The nursing home manager allowed her to use the home's piano to teach piano lessons to non-residents. She even had a recital for her students.

Every Sunday she walked several blocks from the nursing home to attend church. And she was voted "Woman of the Year," not for the nursing home but for the entire town. When the manager of the nursing home retired and the new manager changed policies, she found she was no longer allowed to leave the nursing home to attend church or go elsewhere. So she found herself an apartment and moved out. Can you imagine giving that spunky gal the usual old-folks gifts?

On the news a night or two ago, I saw nursing home residents bowling with a Nintendo Wii game machine and having the time of their lives. It gave them exercise and was so much more fun than playing dominoes or checkers. If I had a parent who had enjoyed participating in sports in the past, and I could afford it, that's a gift I would consider buying for them. Even if they had been just a spectator in the past, they might have always wished they could participate. This might be their chance to participate in the sports without risking physical injury.

Many of us can't afford such expensive gifts, but by knowing a person well enough, and listening with your heart, you should be able to think of something creative and unexpected that they would be thrilled to receive.

The same is true of children. We used to ask our kids to make lists of things they wanted most, with the most desired items on top of the list. Most of the time we managed to get them everything on the list, as they seldom asked for anything too expensive. That made it easy to give them gifts they were sure to like.

But with the grandchildren, it's a different story. All girls, they range in age from eight to twenty-six, and no two of them are anything alike. Most of their wishes are fulfilled by their parents, leaving us wondering what to do. Most of them have outgrown the desire for toys, and I would no longer attempt to buy clothing for them without their being there to approve the purchase. I dislike giving money as it always seems we never know what we bought for them.

This year I came up with something different. This summer the three younger granddaughters expressed the desire to learn cake decorating. At the tender ages of 8, 9, and 12, that might seem a bit young. But I was surprised to see how fast they picked it up. While they had little time to spend with us, I felt they all achieved a great deal. They actually caught on more quickly than most of my adult students have done.

Autumn, age nine, worked diligently on her borders and although it took her a while to make the trip around the cake, her borders were absolutely perfect. Her sister, Aspen, 12, amazed me when she went from borders and drop flowers to roses and made a good one on her first try.

The youngest, Camden, 8, immediately fell in love with cake decorating. While she wasn't as particular with her borders as Autumn was, she was soon able to do them well and in a hurry. In November she baked, iced, and decorated a tiered cake for her parents' anniversary. She stayed with us while they took a short trip, and she worked like a Trojan to prepare the cake as a surprise for them.

She made the drop flowers with royal icing, and while they dried, she baked the cake and iced it. I helped her smooth the icing and when she was putting on the borders and flowers, she asked for some help with the leaves. The rest she did entirely on her own. (See attached picture.) Now when asked what she wants to be when she grows up, she's torn between being a soccer player, a writer/illustrator, and a cake decorator.

So this year when trying to come up with gifts for the girls, it occurred to me that they might like to have their own set of cake decorating tools. When I asked them, they all concurred that that would be great. So I have purchased for each of them a miniature plastic cabinet with three drawers which now contain a 26-tip cake decorating set, 2 nylon decorating bags, 2 extra adaptors, a set of paste colors, and a spatula. While that might seem like a strange thing to be buying for small girls, if it pleases them, who cares if it's strange?

It's very difficult to buy a gift for someone with whom you have spent little time. But by taking time to get to know the person, or maybe to get reacquainted with him or her, even by phone, you should be able to select an unexpected and much appreciated gift.

And even the time spent with them will be a valuable gift in itself. Time is something we all have too little of, and something most desired by those we love.