How to Select a Wedding Officiate

Choosing a wedding officiate is one of the most crucial aspects of the wedding ceremony. The wedding officiate will set the tone of your ceremony and can be the difference between an impersonal and a meaningful and warm ceremony. If you are a member of a church or congregation, you already may have a favorite priest, minister or reverend in mind which will make this decision much easier for you. However, many couples whether they are not involved in a specific place of worship or religion, or are planning a ceremony outside of church will have the task of selecting the right person to perform their wedding ceremony.

The first decision you must make is whether or not you would like a religious or civil ceremony. If you have opted to go for a civil ceremony, contact your town offices to find local representatives in your area who perform such ceremonies. Judges, mayors, town clerks, governor, ordained minister or even notaries may be able to perform the wedding ceremony for you. If however, you have decided you would prefer a religious ceremony, contact your church or check the phonebook for other churches you may like to be involved with either on this one time basis or possibly in the future. Some churches will not perform the wedding ceremony for you if you are not a member of their congregation. You should meet with the person a few, if not several times to discuss the ceremony as well as to allow them to get to know you and you them. The better your wedding officiate knows you, the more personalized and meaningful they can make the ceremony.

Ask around to other couples who have married in your area to see who performed their ceremony and what their thoughts were about the person and their ceremony. If possible, visit the wedding officiate at their place of practice to see them in action. This will give you a good idea of how they interact with their congregation, what type of service they perform and how the audience responds to them. You should begin looking for a wedding officiate about 6 months in advance of your wedding as many book early.

Here are some questions you should ask and thoughts to keep in mind when interviewing and finding a wedding officiate:

1. If in a church you do not attend, are they willing to perform a ceremony for a non-member?

2. Is the date you have set available?

3. Find out what beliefs the person has. They should resonate with yours.

4. Will they travel to the location of your desire if the wedding is not to be in a church?

5. What is their fee?

6. Does this fee include travel and/or other expenses?

7. Is there an additional fee associated with having it at their church?

8. If having at their church, would someone be available to provide music? Will this be an additional fee?

9. Do they expect you to attend premarital counseling either with them or with someone else prior to the wedding? If it is with them, what is their fee for this?

10. How willing are they to tailor your ceremony and allow you to create the ceremony you wish?

11. If you wish to write your own vows, will they allow this?

12. Will they allow you to select your own readings or incorporate family and loved ones in your ceremony (i.e. family members doing readings)?

13. Will they perform a rehearsal ceremony prior to the wedding? If so, what is the fee for this?

14. Ask for sample wedding ceremonies. Many officiates have brochures and packages they can show you with the ceremony written out in detail including vows.

15. How many weddings have you performed? What types of ceremonies have you performed? This will give you a good idea of what a wedding with this particular wedding officiate will turn out.

16. What type of ceremony would you perform? Try to get a sense of any agenda the wedding officiate may have. For example, they may only allow readings from the Bible. If this is not something you want, it is good to find this out.

17. If you as a couple do not attend church regularly, ask how the wedding officiate feels about this.

18. What training have you had? Credentials? Do you belong to any professional organizations related to your field?

19. Are you registered to perform ceremonies in my area?

20. Do you have any concerns regarding photographs being taken during the ceremony? If your wedding officiate has restrictions on this, it is a good idea to find this out up front than on your wedding day after spending hundreds, if not thousands of dollars on hiring a photographer and expecting certain photos.

21. If you are planning on having a pet or small children in your ceremony, ask about their comfort level with this.

22. How will you incorporate our relationship and/or loved ones into the ceremony? In what ways do you make your ceremonies personalized?

23. Would you plan on or expect to attend the reception? If so, see if they are also going to be bringing a spouse. You can also send them an invitation once selected but you should plan on the possibility of them attending your reception.

24. Do they have a back up plan in case of an emergency?As you begin to meet with an interview possible wedding officiates, many other questions may come to mind. Don't be afraid to ask them. This person will be performing an important service for you. If you don't feel the person is a good fit, don't hesitate to keep looking. You should feel very comfortable with the wedding officiate and "click" with them. Good luck on your wedding officiate search!