How To Send the Right Message To Men

Everything from your clothes to the place you choose to socialize sends a message about you and what you are willing to settle for. If you want Mr. Right you have to dress and act appropriately to attract him. You need to venture into his habitat.

Men generally don't "connect" for a few weeks. They may feel something but they won't say its love. However, plenty of women, myself included, have been know to exuberantly exclaim they have found true love after the first date. I did it after the first phone call when we had only made plans for the first date. Okay so we've been married for 14 years now and I think my friend is still a little tone deaf from that night but so many times it doesn't work out that way. He certainly wasn't as excited as I was. I don't' think he went out that night with permo-grin jumping up and down the whole way to the bowling alley with his friends.

First thing is first. Men do not have the same emotional connection to sex that women do. Now I know there are going to be those women out there who say they don't have any feelings about it and they can just have physical relations without getting involved. All I can say to that is YOU LIE. You lie, and I know it because I have been on the receiving end of the tearful weekend after phone call more than once.

I have been where you are. Needy, desperate, and too hopelessly lost in defining myself with a partner to realize I was doing everything wrong. Instead of an article on how to lose a guy in ten days I could have written a book on how to scare one off in ten hours. Here are a few tips that helped me out of the ditch of Mr. Wrongs and back on the track of Mr. Right.

The bar tender says last call so you can order a drink and find your coat and keys. He does not say it so you can look around and find the nearest unattached male and make one last attempt at taking someone home. There is a song by Bellevue Cadillac, It Must Be Love, "they all say the same thing after midnight, it must be love because it must be love." If it's after midnight and you haven't found anyone worth talking to you're not going to find him in the next five minutes. He is not going to find you either. I'm not saying you won't meet Mr. Right in the bar after last call but the chances are pretty slim. If by some stroke of luck you do meet someone you think is worth spending more time on then give him your digits and see if he calls you. DO NOT, under any circumstances, go home with him or invite him to go home with you. Leave him in the parking lot and go get some sleep. If he calls you, I would say when but he probably crumpled your number and left it on the ground of the parking lot as he left with the next desperate soul that came along, you can make arrangements to meet him in the day light without the aid of the beer goggles and see if you still find him interesting.

If you have kids and you think you are fooling them by sending the man home at 5am before they wake up, you need to wake up. They know what's going on. They are pretending not to know because you've taken such pains to make it a big secret. You've made them feel that somehow what you are doing is wrong and needs to be hidden so now not only do you have a deep dark secret life you're ashamed of but so do your kids. If you're embarrassed and don't want them to know then you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. Learn some self-control and take hold of the situation. Make him go home at midnight. If he doesn't come back because he didn't get what he wanted he's not the one you want anyway.

Do not call him every hour on the hour to see if he is thinking of you. Do not commit his work number, cell number, home number, and best friend's number to memory in the first day. If he's thinking of you he'll call you. Do not call and leave him a thousand messages hoping he'll have a huge smile on his face when he gets home to find you've filled up his machine. Chances are he'll be filing a restraining order the next morning. Let him call you one day and you can call him the next day. Don't call more than once a day either, save something to talk about on your date night.

Do not sleep with him on the first date/night. I'm not saying the guy you sleep with three hours after you meet him isn't going to take you to live happily ever after in his mansion but if I were a betting person I wouldn't put money on it. If you slept with him on the first date and he hasn't called you for a while it's not because he's too busy it's because he's not desperate. When he does call it will be because he is bored and hasn't found anyone to sleep with that day. You have just become the booty call. Have a rule about how long you will wait until sex happens. It can be your own little secret, no sense telling him how long he has to wait, if you're worth it to him he'll still be around when the time comes. Hint, the time frame should be longer than the first date, perhaps it should be when you feel comfortable enough to ask him to take a few tests for sexually transmitted diseases and drugs. You may be one of those extremely rare women who can separate sex and emotion. If you are you should look for a clinical study somewhere and offer yourself as a test subject.

Don't try to impose yourself on every second of his life. Suppose you get past that first date. What now? I know what not now. Choose one night a week that you will go out with him. If he is truly interested in you he'll take that and let you know if he wants more. Do not give him a schedule. Do not expect him to run to you as soon as work lets out. Do not expect him to ditch his friends and spend every waking minute with you. By the same token you should not be running your life around his schedule either. The most important thing about being in a relationship that works is still being yourself.

Most of all don't get discouraged! Don't give that lame speech about taking time off and not looking for a man. No one buys that crap. Especially not the person you were just telling how you feel left out and alone at functions because you're not part of a couple. Everyone wants to have someone in his or her life to share it with. That is the way we are wired. The idea is to be the you that will attract what you're looking for in a partner. If you sell yourself short you are only getting what you paid for.