How to Sex Up Your Apartment

Space out your living room.

Every living room needs a couch, table, TV, loveseat or chair, and a rug. You should then have two pieces of art; one on the table and one on the wall. Table art can be one of those awesome Urban Outfitters books, or my personal favorite, a nice marble chessboard. Place these objects towards a central point in the room, and space them so that there is plenty of room to walk between. That's the secret to feng shui.

• Step 2

  Match your living room furniture.

  The way you match furniture is not just by color, but also by shape. If your table is square, your couch shouldn't be curvy. Sharp edges should beget sharp edges, or if you're going for curvy, all your main pieces should be curvy.

  Your two art pieces should be OPPOSING shapes. Think of them as a shiny belt buckle or a Rolex watch on a black suit. They provide just enough eye candy to shake up the monotony.

• Step 3

  The bedroom.

  For sex, the bedroom should have no chairs. The only place to sit should be the bed. Try to get a light dimmer if you can afford it, and a little TV. Your bed should match the color scheme of the walls and be central in the room.

• Step 4

  Keep PLENTY of food in the fridge, even if you don't eat it. It shows that you're a provider, which is extra sexy. Keep the kitchen clean except for a couple of dishes. It'll make her think that there's something you need help with, which will draw her in.

  Bathrooms should always be SPOTLESS, with a matching toilet cover, toilet rug, and sink rug. Toilet seat down. ;)