How to Shop for Your "tweener" Daughter

Now that my oldest daughter has reached "preteen" stage, shopping has become a whole new challenge. Torn between "little girl" and "wannabe 15", my daughter wants to be a tomboy, cute, fashionable, sweet, and cool all at the same time! Unfortunately, she was born to a K-Mart family, not an Express family - so the shopping we do is based on sales fliers and whether Daddy worked overtime that week and Mom's freelance work did well.

When planning a shopping trip with your preteen, it's a good idea to have the current week's circulars in front of you, a working knowledge of your preteen's preferences and fashion sense, and a battle plan to discuss what you will consider and what is "off limits" in price, style, and common decency in clothing selection.

My preteen adores Hannah Montana, Ashley Tisdale, and Emily Osment, and (consciously or not) tries to dress, talk, and live like them (and would, if we let her). My approach to shopping with her is to set a limit, in advance, of the amount of money I have available to spend, reviewing the sales flier to see what clothes are on sale, and a bargaining agreement with my preteen in which I agree to let her pick out one outfit that is NOT on sale and that does not exceed my standards for modesty and appropriate attire, but is part of the "cooler" rack of clothing that doesn't look like it came from K-Mart. My daughter agrees to abide by my rules, with some of the expected nagging, but with the understanding that if she pushes too far, she'll wind up with no clothes at all! (Be prepared to enforce this ultimatum by being ready to leave the store instantly, if needed. It usually works.)

One caveat to my approach - it helps not to have younger siblings along if you can help it, because then the shopping trip can turn into total chaos rather than a planned negotiation between a mom with a tight budget, and a daughter with really big eyes. If you need to have your younger brood with you, then plan to spend a little more. I've tried the tricks of having a snack or an amusing toy with us to occupy my little one, I've tried bribing, bargaining, pleading, negotiating, and promising. It generally doesn't work, and you might end up spending much more than you planned to just to keep the peace and make it out of the store with your wits intact.

My suggestion is to browse the sales fliers, realistically decide the amount of money you can spend, what you will buy, and what you will compromise on to give your preteen a bigger say in the decision on "what to wear" - and this will also help your preteen to learn about budgeting, smart discretionary spending, and planned shopping. Remind her that some day the money she is spending will be her own, that she worked for and earned like Mom and Dad, and that it's important to learn how to budget and plan for expenditures. She'll value her possessions more and hopefully will take better care of them as well. Maybe she'll even offer to help with the laundry!