How to Be Single and Enjoy Valentine's Day

Every year, around this time, we are assaulted by Valentine's Day paraphernalia, you know, pink heart shaped candy, balloons, sappy songs and glitter. Every mall, every store is stocked with goods that spell mush, especially those horrible looking cupids. I tried once to avoid going to malls, and sat at home. I turned on the television and they were airing those stupid romantic movies. I really hate February 14, and wish that I had a remote that could somehow fast-forward time and we would be in March, away from all this mush.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against love and friendship. They are good emotions, but this unrealistic way of celebrating love and friendship sets my teeth on edge. It gives those naïve, idealistic, romantic souls a totally wrong idea of what love means. Love is caring, sharing and even wiping snot and puke of the sick loved one. It can be painful too. What I want to say here is that love is hard work. It never has and never will be fairy tale. The card makers and confectioners are pushing a total misconception. They are laughing all the way to the bank. It is us poor souls that get misguided with the "happily ever after" concept they advertise. I love my children and my dogs dearly. I also love chocolate (preferably not heart shaped). Scratch that, even if it were heart shaped, I would eat it, but if they tell me that heart shaped chocolate, pink streamers and obese cupids is true love, I would sue them.

When I was a kid, I hated the anxiety and the needless competition that came along with this day. I grew up in an extended family and had many male siblings. Asian girls with lots of bossy brothers do not get Valentines. Even if we get a couple, they are grabbed by the brothers who open the cards, loudly read the mush inside and make rude comments. I was eight years old when this happened and it put me off Valentines Day forever. Oh, and Tara, a much plainer girl than me got more Valentines than I did. She was insufferable for a long time after that. How I hate Valentines Day.

I am single now, in my forties, and I always am dateless on Valentine's Day. I manage to keep myself happy using this strategy

I order myself a huge bunch of roses in office and then pretend total surprise and delight. Of course I act coy and refuse to tell anyone who the sender is.

I order myself a huge box of chocolate and again refuse to share or tell every one who the sender is.

I watch younger and prettier women colleagues looking quite put off and enjoy it.

I watch male colleagues comparing my humongous box and bouquet with their own quite sensibly smaller gifts and feel outclassed.

I go home early while the entire office gossips about my mysterious Valentine's Day date.

I have followed this strategy for quite some time. It never fails to irritate my fellow workers and cheer me up.