How to Get Skinny like Megan Fox

GET A ROUTINE THAT'S NOT A ROUTINE. The biggest concern for would be Megan Foxes is "how to find the motivation." "I don't know how to get motivated to work out." Like people just expected to be handed a model body out of thin air. You find motivation by mixing it up! If you do the same exercises every day, it's bound to get boring. That's why I don't subscribe to any one diet. The belly buster you use doesn't matter. Pick one, pick em all. Jillian Michaels, Kirstie Alley, Weight Watchers -- doesn't matter. No kidding, if you had sex every day, you'd lose weight. Hell, go work your abs during sex. Instead of sit-ups, do sex-ups. (I'll leave to your imagination the actual structure of that exercise.) Be creative!! What matters is that if you want flat abs, you work your abs honestly. After every workout, check your body. If you want to get rid of your love handles, your love handles should HURT LIKE HELL after an hour of intense workout. Not your neck; not your upper abs. You know what I mean. Be honest. An hour in the gym doesn't mean an hour working out. If you're going to work out, then WORK OUT. Turn the phone off. Don't gab or try to make friends.

KNOW YOUR FOOD. The way to lose weight is to eat small portions consistently throughout the day, not diet like a crazy person. (Megan didn't.) This speeds up your metabolism. 3 meals, 3 snacks (hopefully fruit or a natural food of some kind). Do not eat big meals, and for God's sake don't starve yourself. That only leads to gorging, which leads to slower metabolism, which leads to weight GAIN. Another thing -- fat is good, as long as it's natural fat. Eggs, nuts, cheese even. These are natural, energy producing fats which release themselves upon workout. The fat in Hostess cupcakes does not provide energy that you can use to workout, and so will just sit there, making you look ugly and hiding your lovely inner beauty. Also, you need CARBS. But get them from fruits and veggies, not breads. Capiche? Healthy weight loss doesn't mean eating like a monk.

KNOW YOUR WORKOUTS. Your body has a natural rhythm that you need to encourage, not fight. The way to lose weight with a workout is to go fast, then slow. Let's say you're working abs. Work three hard, hard sets with the ab planks (Google "ab planks" you'll get more videos than you can handle), then do a 15 minute easy set just using body weight, like side bends. Mix it up; don't get bored. (Use video 1 one day and video 2 the next day.) The fast, hard workout releases the fatty acids from the fat cells. The slow burn uses the calories and destroys the fat. You have to release fat before you use it, otherwise you will just lose water weight and overwork your muscles. That's why I'm not going to tell you any particular system to use...no P90X, no Jenny Craig, no South Beach diet, no nothing like that. Because it DOESN'T MATTER -- they're all based on these same principles: This is how your body works, and if you're honest with yourself, do the fast, hard workouts to your absolute limit, and then have the discipline to do the slow burn workout, you will lose weight naturally and healthily. Is healthily a word? I don't think so.

GET AN AGENT. If you do what I say in Steps 1-4, your body will glow. Not just your body, but your thoughts and personality, too. It's well known that physical exertion has incredibly positive effects on your mind and attitude. People are going to love you, and once Megan Fox turns 30, it's going to be your turn. Transformers 5, baby, the Return of Megatron. That's all you.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't worry about what people say; they will say all kinds of things to you. The only thing that matters at the end of the day is if you accomplished your goal or not.
• Print this article out and look at it when people tell you you can't do it, or that they have this perfect system that's gonna have you losing weight with no real work on your part. There are no shortcuts, so get over it.
• All you think about is sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, Megan Fox, and more sex. Get a hobby.