How to Make Small Talk

You are waiting for a meeting to begin and you are the only one in the meeting room besides one other person. You glance around the room absentmindedly, avoiding eye contact, or perhaps you pretend to be writing or reviewing important notes in your day planner. Maybe you've been seated at a banquet with an entire table of people you've never met and the speaker took forever to get behind the podium and start talking.

Opportunities for awkward silences abound everywhere: In elevators, clinic waiting rooms, hotel lobbies, grocery store checkout lanes, to name a few. Social gatherings such as Christmas parties and wedding receptions are full of awkward introductions followed by the abandonment of the one person who knows both you and the other person. There you are, holding your mug, staring at someone who has nothing to say to you. What do you do? Nod politely and walk away?

The next time you find yourself in a situation in which you need to have a smooth conversation and avoid looking socially inept, keep these tips in mind:

1. Smile. A smiling, open demeanor will help put both you and your conversation partner at ease. Avoid looking at your feet, watch, or around the room. Lock eyes on the person and smile, not in a creepy, "I'm a serial killer" way, but in a "I'm a really friendly, likable person," way.

2. Ask questions. A thoughtful question is the key to starting a great conversation. Typical conversation starter questions include, "Where do you work?", "What are your hobbies?", "Where do you like to go on vacation?", "Do you enjoy sports?" or "Where did you go to school?" Once the person answers one of these questions, hopefully they will give you the information you need to ask many more appropriate questions. Hopefully, if the other person has some social graces, he will also start asking questions of you. Avoid asking if the person is married or if they have children. This can be perceived as nosy or as a come on. You will be able to tell by the tone of the conversation if this question is appropriate later on.

3. Be a good listener. Many people commit social suicide by asking questions and then not listening carefully to the answers. Suddenly the person is looking at you as if asking, "What do you think?" and you haven't a clue as to how you should answer. A good listener is perceived as a thoughtful person. A sloppy listener is perceived as self-centered and shallow.

4. Be gracious. Even if you are positively certain that you and this person have nothing in common, refuse the urge to abruptly excuse yourself and walk away. Often, people improve upon closer inspection. I'm sure you can think of times at which you gave a negative first impression. Give compliments, but don't schmooze. Say, "Glad to meet you" or, "It was nice talking with you." Defer to the other person if they interrupt, but do not interrupt them.

Awkward meetings are a part of life. Instead of dreading them and then stumbling through them, get the upper hand. Ask thoughtful questions, listen carefully, be gracious, and be friendly. You'll make it through the conversation and possibly make a new friend in the process.