How to Make Small Talk Less Painful

Whether you're stuck in an elevator at work or attending a huge wedding, there will be times when you have to socialize with people you don't know very well. Here are some starting points to help you.

Don't watch the weather report, ever

You will have something neutral with which to start and you'll be convincing when you ask if it's going to warm up this afternoon. The reason discussing the weather is a cliché is because people love doing it! By asking you have given your conversation partner the chance to talk as much as they want and she will think you, because you're listening, are a great conversationalist. It's beneficial to both parties.

Ask open-ended questions

See the compliments section at the end of this piece for more examples, such as asking where a pair of great shoes was bought. When you want to sustain a conversation, you have to make sure that you don't ask questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no.

Avoid maladaptive thoughts

What is it about schmoozing that bothers you? Is it in your own head? If you are constantly saying to yourself, "this person I'm babbling to thinks I'm a dork," seriously remember that you are not a mind reader. You don't know what your conversational partner is thinking, if anything, and if he does think you're a dork, so what? Really, it does not matter what the person thinks of you personally. As long as you are fulfilling your social and/or business requirements, you are a silver tongued devil. And even if the conversation is awkward, who cares? It happens to the best of those who have kissed the blarney stone.

Practice in a mirror or role-play with a friend

Role playing really does work. You may be an experienced small talker who wants to brush up for a specific event, or you may be so shy you need to practice asking what time it is. Whatever you skill level, remember chit-chatting is in fact a skill and as such must be practiced in order for you to improve. Think of it as behavioral therapy but without the hourly fee. Have fun with it too; small talk is supposed to be a pleasant diversion.

Give a compliment

Don't just make a statement that requires only agreement, such as, "I love your shoes." Ask, "Where did you get those great shoes?" If applicable you can also compliment the person's kids or pet. Ask what kind of dog she has, or how she gets her kids to behave so well in public.

Enjoy the silence

Sometimes the conversation lags and there is nothing you can do. Unless you are in an elevator, just take the natural silence as a sign from the universe that it's time to go get more punch or even to move along to a new conversational partner.