How Do You Solve a Problem like Donald Pennington?

My first month on AC, I did a lot of farting around (my farts repel aliens and cats). I tried to read articles from all the different content categories; I read AC tutorials; I added a few CPs to my blank "Favorites" page. I wondered if a dorky creative writer like me had any chance of making an impression in this huge, diverse Associated Content community. Then I saw it, reaching out to me: "Hey Newbie!" (Don, I could have sworn this poem used to be titled "Psst! Hey Newbie, Come Here!" Is my memory playing tricks on me again?) Now this looks interesting, I thought. I'm a newbie. I need all the help I can get. The article was in the "Most Commented" section, so I clicked on it, and discovered that Donald Pennington was at it again. I'd read a couple of Don's poems and articles by that time, but "Hey Newbie!" made me notice-really notice-Donald Pennington.

Oh, gross-what a disgusting suck-up fest this article is turning into! Sorry, Don, I can't do it! Guys, fellow AC CPs, here's the real deal: Donald Pennington is a freakin' networking GENIUS. If you're feeling ignored or depressed that your momma is the only person who reads your AC articles, do yourself a favor-get exposed in a fun Donald Pennington interview! It's so easy! I did it (click here if you want to read my interview), the great Michy did it; and you can, too! Check out Don's article here, click the link he provides, and take your interview...and watch your page views and fans increase overnight. It really works! And after I finished my interview, I had the option of purchasing a Cleavage Clip, which I desperately needed (thanks again, Don; you're a boob-saver!). Don has so many awesome, dedicated (insane) subscribers, you see. His subscribers will read your witty interview and will want to read your work.

Don't tell me you're not worthy. You're worthy! You're cool and interesting, and the only reason your page views suck is that none of us know who the heck you are! So go say hi to Don, fill out your interview, sit back, pick some boogers, and wait for it...wait for it...wait for it...AC stardom is all yours! And now that you're an AC superstar, all Don asks in return is that you write a crazy article like this one telling everyone about your interview experience. (Actually, he'd probably prefer a non-crazy article. But Don knew what he was getting into when he dared to call me "Brilliance Defined.")

Stop hiding, all you shy AC CPs out there! Don and I can't wait to meet you.

If you've never read any of Donald Pennington's poetry, you're really missing out. I also highly recommend Don's wonderful, rich, poignant personal essay, "A Kiss for Dad."

We love you, Don!