How to Speak/Type True English

A nice guide on teaching you true English. A must for everyone!

Table of Contents

• i - Revision history
• 1.0 - Introduction
• 2.0 - Spelling
• 3.0 - Abbreviating Words

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i - Revision history
» 02/05/2010 - Lewis (Me) wrote the guide.

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1.0 - Introduction

» The main reason for writing this guide is to help other members on there english on/out of the forums. You're probably thinking why is he doing this?
Well, there are many reasons for writing in true english;

1. You will be respected more (people will subconsciously look down on those who 'write lyk dis')
2. You will look more trust worthy/intelligent
3. You will be easier to understand
4. It's nicer to talk to someone who seems intelligent

I mean really, how many times have you looked at the way someone types and think ugh... Idiot? or ugh.. scammer?
this may just be me but i will very rarely trade with someone who has VERY bad grammar, i will automatically loose trust as it seems like they are not of high intellect and likely to scam me. (just my opinion)
Another great reason for this is; you will VERY VERY rarely get a staff position or a high position on ANY website with terrible Grammar. The owners do not want there representatives to look like complete inadequate morons. Same as a company would not hire you if you came into work dressed as a tramp.
So for these reason's i will be heading through the basics on how to Type/spell better through out the forums, and in fact out of the forums.
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2.0 - Spelling
Now, the main problem with many peoples grammar is they like to miss out vowels/insignificant letter in most words.
Lets start off with a simple sentence for example;
»Correct;
Hey there, my name is Lewis! I really like spelling correctly on associated content.

»Incorrect;
Hey ther my name is Lewis i realy lyk speling corectly on asociatd contnt
Now i know this is a exaggerated example but a lot of people do type like this. There is a really easy solution to miss spelling and abbrevations if you do not notice you are doing it;
It is called... Google chrome
Here is a link so you can download it; http://www.google.com/chrome
You have no either sussed it, or are thinking 'what the hell? another internet browser, yeah that's going to help.'
If you haven't sussed it, it has a built in spell checker!
Basically when you spell something wrong a little red squiggly line, like so; ~~~~~ pops up under the miss-spelled word giving you the opportunity to correct your errors!
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3.0 - Abbreviating words

Another key aspect to making your grammar look professional is abbreviating words correctly. Here i will teach you to do so;
Now for all abbreviations you should be using an apostrophe E.g the ' symbol.
Most people when learning to use this go crazy and put an apostrophe after every before every "s" in words that end in "s"
THIS IS NOT THE CASE!
Here are the rules for using an apostrophe;

Where to Use Apostrophes

Contractions

The apostrophe is used to denote missing letters in words that over the years have been dropped to ease pronunciation. The commonest examples are the auxiliary verbs and the word 'not'. Thus I am becomes I'm and are not becomes aren't. Of course there are exceptions, notably am not changing to ain't in what is a stupendous piece of illogicality1. Some nouns can be shortened in the same way: a ship's forecastle proved to be too hard to say, so the second syllable was dropped and it became fo'c'sle because lazy sailors preferred it that way. Similarly, five of the clock became five o'clock. Some words gain apostrophes only in lyrical works, to help illustrate the rhythm - an examples of this is ev'ry.

Possession

Possession is nine tenths of the law, even in the grammar of apostrophes. The majority of pitfalls in using apostrophes occur when trying to say something belongs to something else. But with the aid of this handy guide, grammatical foibles will be eradicated forever. How handy.

»Singular possessive: The apostrophe is used to indicate possession with all nouns, both proper and common. The rules here are straightforward: add an apostrophe and an s. The ball belonging to Jack is Jack's Ball. The ball belonging to the man is the man's ball. The apostrophe comes between the word and the s. What could be easier?

However, words ending with an s present a problem. There are two valid options in this case. It is either Jesus' teaching or Jesus's teaching. Elegance would seem to preclude the latter.

»Plural possessive: The same elements are used, but in a different order: add an s then an apostrophe. Thus the ball belonging to the boys is the boys' ball.

Naturally, the English language is not going to let such a rule getting away with being so easy. For plural nouns not ending in s, like men, for example, the rule is the same as for most singular nouns. The ball belonging to the men is the men's ball (Manchester United, for example, has lots of balls) .

Plurals (see below!)

In the solitary case of single lower case letters, it is preferable to use an apostrophe to avoid confusion, as in 'mind your p's and q's'.

Foreign Words

An apostrophe also appears in foreign words written in English, used to transcribe a curious pronunciation, the glottal stop2: Qur'an, Hawai'i. The apostrophe in these cases is purely decorative, as the glottal stop is usually ignored by English speakers.

Where Not to Use Apostrophes

Possessive Adjectives and Pronouns

These are technical terms for two very common groups of words. The first group, is your, her, his, its and their. Notice the complete lack of apostrophes - the ball belonging to it is signified as its ball. And 'his' is not 'he's'. The corresponding possessive pronouns all end in s, with, once again, not an apostrophe in sight: yours, hers, his, its and theirs.

There is perhaps understandable confusion between the 'its' here with the contraction of 'it is' - it's. This is somewhat contradictory but helps to show that there is a difference in meaning between it is and that which belongs to it. This rule is frequently overlooked. Don't be a statistic.

Plurals

Excepting the one case above, there is no need to use any apostrophe with plurals.

»There seems to be some primordial urge in writers of shop signs to use it to denote plurals. This is manifestly wrong.

»CD's: The plural of CD is, by convention, CDs. Alternatively, CD's may be used too, though this is not at all recommended. This applies to all other abbreviations like HGVs or A to Zs. Capisce?

»1000's: If by some gruesome mischance you feel you need to butcher the beauty of our language by telling us you have lots of things on offer in, say, your Poundsaver store, please have the decency to write 1000s. Especially if you have 1000s of CDs

»The 70's: The 70's are in fact the '70s. And don't you forget it!

»Pencil's: That means belonging to the pencil, not more than one pencil.

A Note on Style

Although clearly with the knowledge of correct apostrophe usage burning in your veins you will want to put your new-found skills to good use, be aware that, as with everything, there is a time and a place. In a formal essay or letter, using a word like don't is very poor style indeed. Choose the elongated form.

Quotations

There are many factors to be taken into consideration when making a quotation. Punctuation varies in this case between the US and Great Britain, and printers' conventions are different again.

»In British English: Quotations are displayed with a single inverted comma: 'Thou, Nature, art my goddess; to thy law my services are bound'3. Speech marks are double inverted commas, like this ".

»In American English: Here, conventions dictates that both quotation and speech are displayed using double inverted commas. Increasingly, British printers choose to use the American convention in order to appear more global. Example; "Damn" he said, "I didn't think the condom ripped." (Thanks Mike)

»In General: One final point. To quote speech, do this: '"Your punctuation is atrocious," he said'.