How to Be a Sports Writer
Currently not too many sports writers would get my vote. I am not a sports writer. Only a disgusted fan. Allow me to give a little advice on how to be a sports writer. All I want to know is "who won?" Then tell me some highlights about the winner and then some low lights about the loser.
Kobe Bryant won his fifth NBA title alongside one stud named D'Fish. We hardly hear about them during this off season. And, what about the losers? The big bad Celtics. I want to know what Paul Pierce eats for dinner, raven or crow? All we read or don't read about is a perennial loser named LeBron. I would much rather hear about Kobe's grandmother's rheumatoid arthritis in her right ear lobe than hear about LeBron. At least Kobe's grandmother is the grandmother of a winner.
Then there's golf. I couldn't tell you who won the last five major tournaments this season because all we hear about is why Tiger didn't win. Who cares why Tiger didn't win, tell me who won! That poor guy that won deserves some notoriety and endorsements too. Tiger scored a lot of notches in his belt over the years. No pun intended. Give the other guys a sit down interview. Let's hear their stories and how much they love their wives.
You wanna know why you keep writing about Tiger? Because you crave illicit details. You want him to tell us all about it. Tiger could make another fortune as erotic short story writer.
And wouldn't you know it. We're just in time for Bret Favre's annual 'fake and bake cook-off'. (And you massacre LeBron?) I should hire Gloria Allred and sue both of them. If we don't publicize Bret's decision then maybe Bret will concentrate more on training and how not to upstage his all-pro running back and maybe win another Super Bowl. I really don't care if Bret wins, but I do want to see Adrian Peterson win one just to see the highlights. He's one bad motha...shut-cho-mouth!
Instead of giving away all of my secrets about being a sports writer, I just may become one myself and provide exclusive and up-to-the-minute coverage of hop-scotch and double-dutch.
Published by S. E. Masters
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3 Comments
Post a CommentThanks Al. Don't know where to file. My take on sports is a little different than the experts. I appreciate you reading and commenting.
Simply Love it, funny as hell, I like the way you throw those colorful metaphors around - it adds to the flavor of the article, I agree with Marillisa - you should file an app for the sports contributor program.
I know next to nothing about sports, but have you considered applying for AC featured contributor Sports?