How to Spot Cheaters, Con Artists, Commitment-Phobes, and Other Wrong Men

The Cheater:
Like the con artist, the cheater is an excellent actor -- and an excellent liar. They usually will try to make you believe not that they have nogirlfriend, but that they have an ex-girlfriend (or wife). This accomplishes several things: One, it gives you an opportunity to feel sorry for them. Poor man had to suffer through whatever torment that evil witch put him through, but now he is free! Two, it gives them an opportunity to vent their frustrations about their partner. If a man is cheating, he is probably unhappy in his relationship, and wants someone to complain to -- and women are good listeners. Three: It provides an excuse for the fact that "Amanda" is calling day and night. One way to spot a cheater is to carefully observe his cell phone activity. Does he always keep his phone off or on silent? Does it frequently ring, and he not answer it? If the answer to either of these questions is 'yes', you at least know there is someone out there he doesn't want to talk to when he's with you. The reverse applies as well -- does he "miss" your phone calls, only to call you later from outside or in his car? If so, you have reason to be suspicious.

Also like con artists, cheaters run the gamut from being very sneaky to very obvious. Some, especially married men, have cheating down to an art. They carry changes of clothes and multiple credit cards. They have several email accounts and phone numbers. They have fake jobs, and even fake residences. These types are much harder to spot, because they have already worked out a routine to fool you. In this case, use your intuition. If your gut is telling you something isn't right, do further investigation.

The Con Artist:
Unfortunately, these men make a living by not giving red flags. Remember, con artists are professionals: some do their jobs poorly, and others cheat women like Barry Bonds hits home runs: they do it well, and do it often. They are very good actors, and rely on their ability to tell you exactly what you need to hear, and "become" whatever you want them to be -- a shoulder to cry on, a father figure (often preying on single mothers), anything to get close to you and your bank account. Luckily, there is one sure way to spot a con artist -- sooner or later they will ask you to make some kind of purchase, loan, or investment in their behalf. They assume by this point they have your trust, and maybe have made smaller requests in the past, so a $14,000 cash advance doesn't seem like such a "big deal".

How can a woman protect herself? Simple: take full charge and responsibility of her personal finances. I recommend that every woman read Suze Orman's Nine Steps to Financial Freedom. This wonderful book helps you evaluate your attitudes, hopes, and fears about finances, and teaches you to respect your money by learning to use it properly. These hopes and fears are exactly what con artists use to manipulate you and convince you to hand over your hard-earned cash. They also rely on your emotional vulnerability, and offer you companionship in exchange for money or merchandise. I have seen too many examples of women who buy men clothing, gifts, even cars and televisions in order to secure the relationship -- con artists are opportunists, and will take whatever handouts they can get. No relationship is a one-way street; learn to value your money and your own personal worth and avoid becoming a scammer's next victim.

The One-Man Magic Show:
He appears, he disappears. He reappears, he disappears...will he ever return? This kind of man can vanish so fast he should have his own stage show. He is a commitment-phobe -- as soon as he catches a hint that you might be interested in anything long term he is gone in a puff of smoke. How can you spot a commitment-phobe? They screen their calls more than seems necessary, and after checking the caller i.d., don't answer because it is "some chick" who "just can't get over it", or who is "stalking them". More likely it is some unlucky lady who wonders why this man won't return her phone calls. Commitment-phobes have a history of short-term relationships. They often like to think of themselves as free spirits, and start to get nervous if you suggest moving in together or (gasp!) marriage. Although many commitment-phobes will offer you a flimsy excuse to break off the relationship, these magic show men simply disappear.

How do you know if your guy falls into this category? Unfortunately, unless you have witnessed him to it to someone else, you don't know until he is gone. Even in retrospect it is difficult to determine what triggered the disappearing act. I once bought a man a book he had happened to mention he liked, and "poof" -- vanishes into thin air. Gifts? Way to involved for these types. Another person I dated lived in different part of the country, and as I was spending a great deal of time there anyway, and loved the climate, I mentioned I might move there. Living in the same city? Way too much commitment. Both of these guys stopped answering my calls. So what does a girl do? Let it go. The more you try to find them, the faster they run. Move on and find someone who shares your same relationship values.

The Serial Monogamist:
The opposite of a commitment-phone, the serial monogamist seeks long term relationships to the extent that he seems ready to marry any lady who shows the slightest bit of interest. Depending on his age, this type of man leaves a long legacy of wives, fiancés, and serious girlfriends. One serial monogamist I know is only 26 years old, and is already on his third marriage (with one child by each wife). Having jumped in too quickly, serial monogamist and his mate soon discover that four weeks of dating is not enough to establish a firm foundation for a marriage, and divorces. He is quickly back on the dating scene, however, looking for the next Mrs. Smith.

These men are easy to spot, as you will find yourself turning into a commitment-phobe in the face of his romantic onslaughts. He will probably tell you he loves you by the end of the first week, and your fourth or fifth date will involve scouting wedding chapels. Look for a long string of alimony payments and child support. If you need more than one hand to count his ex wives and fiancés, you might be dating a serial monogamist.