How to Spot a Phony Attorney

Legal problems are among the most stressful, difficult and uncomfortable of life's bumps in the highways. Unless you live in California and and want to sue
the Santa Claus at your local mall or the owner of a pet mouse which frightened your children on a play date, the legal profession has probably killed more lives that claims every filed by that sorry excuse of a profession.,

Beware if your attorney to be spends an extraordinary amount of time to discover the obvious. You called, you told him that a co-worker from the next office down the hall in a different department pulled a gun and pointed it at your heard in front of seven witnesses in the company cafeteria.The police report was filed, witnesses names were taken down, you stood in the cafeteria in shock for 2 hours. So now, why has it taken this attorney 7 visits to his office over the last five months and no lawsuit has been filed? You speak the truth. Your attorney isn't moving on this case. Change attorneys, call the Bar Association.

You have a different experience from most people who go to their attorney's office. Esquire has recommended that you spend time with his "legal counselor". You sit around and answer questions about your feelings, about how much time it took you to walk home in the snow during grade school, or about how you fel about your first husband. Diss this right away, you are spilling your guts by the minutes to a shrink you never selected and in whom you have no reason to place your confidence, it is almost guaranteed the jury won't buy it either. You pay per minute, the clock is ticking. This is a buffer strategy, those seven witnesses, the extemporaneous remarks by the shooter in front of the police, your case is in the bag. The legal wizzard is padding his account. If they really cared about you they would suggest you seek counseling for trauma or advance you enough money to find a therapist of your choice. This is good for billing, set the court date well into the future when you are "stable enough" to deal with the trial. Bubba, you quit your job because your boss gave you a contract to sign agreeing not to sue the company, and you have copies of memos circulated around the office about previous signs of psychosis exhibited by the gunner. You can stabilize faster with some cash for your mortgage payment.

Another trick to watch for are the old "We want to buy you a pony, you're going to be a millionaire !" This script is usually within the first 10 minutes of the conversation before the attorney even bothers to find out that, oops, the company you want to sue has vanished with the hard drive to the Rain Forest and
sorry, until the shooter is apprehended by Interpol or the Inuit Tribes of Alaska, you are flat out of luck. The other, dog and pony show part of the promises for a good life in The Bahamas the company is owned by a mega\mega millionaire who has filed 316 causes of action against you including 18 sexual harassment suits and you have possibly been set up for rape (remember when the co-worker in the red sweater offered commiseration and consolation the following Friday? Well, she went to the hospital, collected your DNA and filed rape charges from the police department in her precinct. She is on the company payroll, bubba, but you can't prove it.

In small towns atty's are the worst. Defendants counsel has actually been known to pay other firms in the city for minor work to keep them away from your case "conflict of interest". Suddenly the big guys in town need so much assistance from the little guy with a shingle who is interested in your case and will take it on contingency, until, he has a job offer from the big shots in town.

The world's oldest profession is prostitution, so is lawyering. Beware the Billing and the Bull.