How to Make Your Spouse Feel Valued

We all know what it feels like to be under-valued and unappreciated. Being overlooked or dominated by other people is unpleasant and leads to relationship strain and breakdown. The relationship between husband and wife must be built on trust and mutual respect. When you treat your spouse disrespectfully, intentionally or not, you corrode the very foundation of your relationship. Since marriage is mankind's most important institution, it warrants putting in the extra effort to ensure that your spouse never feels overlooked or belittled.

Here are a few tips for showing your spouse how much he, or she, is valued.

1. Look at him when he's speaking to you. As hard as it may be, put down your book, turn away from your computer, even stopping reading that book to your child, do it and make eye contact with your spouse. Absent-minded "listening" accompanied with blank "mhm's" and "uh-huh's" sends a strong message to your spouse: You are not important enough for me to stop what I'm doing and listen to you. What if your spouse has interrupted at a bad time? Think back to the days when you were dating, would it have bothered you then? Let your love for your spouse cover and make up for his approaching you at an inconvenient time.

2. Learn to listen. Conversation is often reduced to a person talking, then formulating what he will say next while the other person is talking. This is not listening or communicating at all. The worst part is that if you do this, you are not fooling the other person. Most people can tell whether or not the other person is really listening. Show your spouse that his thoughts and insights are important to you. Don't just respond quickly to what he says, ask questions to show that you really care about his opinion.

3. Say "Thank you", and not just when he buys you something. Even if you and your husband share household responsibilities equally, still thank him for doing the dishes or making the bed. Everyone likes to be appreciated, and even more when the person doing the appreciating is your life's partner. Don't quit giving the smallest polite pleasantries to your husband which you routinely give to a cashier.

4. Decide when to criticize. There are legitimate times for healthy criticism in marriage. However, it must be approached with love and at the right time. Telling your husband he's a lousy procrastinator in the midst of an argument is harmful to your relationship and will further deteriorate the situation. If you feel something needs to be addressed with your spouse, approach it when you are both well-rested and have some time alone. Start the conversation in a relaxed fashion. After you have discussed the problem, ask him for an honest evaluation of yourself. Are there things you do that annoy him? Is there something he would like you to change? This is painful, but necessary both to better yourself as a person as well as to show your husband that his happiness is important to you.

Though there are many outward, physical signs of affection, your daily interactions with your spouse communicate more about your relationship as a couple. Take the time to listen, ask questions, and show verbal appreciation for your spouse on a daily basis. This will go far in ensuring a happy, fulfilling marriage into the future.