How to Stand Up to Your Boss

How many of us has worked a job where we watched every move we made in fear of making the boss mad? How many out there took some serious crap and even flat-out abuse from your employer just to keep a check coming in? Seriously, some of the toughest mo-fos on the street turn into a spineless jellyfish when it comes to their supervisor (and I was once one such jellyfish!)

We all know how important it is to keep a job; after all, how else are you going to eat, drink, or survive? Yes, we all gotta eat a little dookie just to keep the lights on, but I have learned over the years, that there's a limit to what you should take! Now, I have worked for some really great bosses (including my current one) who have treated me with respect and dignity, but alas, I have also worked for some of the most tyrranical buttholes who have ever wasted food and oxygen meant for decent people!

After survivng several layoffs and factory shut-downs (when all our jobs went bye-bye), I have learned that as long as you're actually WILLING to work, there is work to be found! Oh, it may not be the work you want initially, but these shitty yobs are a safe place to keep the income flowing while you search for the gig you REALLY want! This attitude is very important to have when dealing with a dickheaded boss; I will further elaborate on this point later, but right now, let's examine a recent scenario that involved myself and some snot-nosed hotshot supervisor trying to make a name for himself by scoring points off me:

The scene unfolds when this individual comes up to me, whining about they way I filled out an inventory move sheet in my less-than-stellar handwriting. He explains the movement codes to me as if I am still in kindergarten. Meanwhile, I am working on labeling some pallets of product for shipment, patiently listening to him and suppressing the urge to rip off his pointy Vanderbilt head and defecate down his pencil-neck.

"What if I screw up and use the wrong code?" I ask politely.

"Well, the FIRST thing that's gonna happen is I'm gonna cuss your ass out!" he retorts.

"No, you won't," I deadpanned, never once breaking my concentration from the task at hand.

"Oh, yes I will!" he further inflamed.

"Uh-uh", I replied, never once raising my voice or letting my temper show. "I guarantee you won't."

"Just watch and see!" he sneered.

"No, sir. I PROMISE you you will not cuss me out: No, wait, lemme rephrase that," I said, stopping my work to look him right dead in his eyes, "You might cuss me out, but I promise you, it will not happen more than once!" Once again, I didn't raise my voice, but rather spoke matter-of-factly while looking right into his eyes.

"Okay, okay, I didn't mean I'd cuss you out, Mike. I'm just trying to emphasize how important it is to fill out these move sheets correctly."

"Then why didn't you just say so instead of making a threat to me?"

"Look, I apologize, okay? Just make sure these end up on mine or Susan's desk completed correctly."

"Anything you say, boss!"

Now, let's analyze the previous episode, and see what it took to back this loser off (he ended up getting fired for being an incompetent boob, by the way).

1) Never raise your voice - My old sensei once told me during Isshin-ryu training "He who angers you controls you"! I use to have serious anger management problems many years ago (that sometimes resurface when traffic is bad), and this was a big obstacle for me to overcome, especially in the workplace. When you blow up, you lose control, and a predatory boss can sense that, and try to provoke a response from you that will get you fired or locked up. By keeping a cool head, you demonstrate to the schmuck that YOU'RE the one that's in control.

2) Speak clearly about your intentions - When Bozo told me he was gonna "cus my ass out", I very simply told him "No, you won't." No fancy barroom threats like "Do it, and I'll rip your lips off so your wife can use 'em for a key ring" or "I'll kick your ass so hard, you'll be wearing your balls for earrings". Coming off like a lunatic will not help your case at all (what works on the streets can easily backfire in the workplace). Just try it; it's not as hard as you think. Repeat the following sentences for practice: "No, I can't work this weekend". "No, I'm going to church Sunday morning". "No, I am going to see my kid's little league game". "No, I'm just gonna spend the weekend gettin' drunk outta my pea-sized skull" (okay, maybe DON'T practice that one!)

3) Make eye contact - Nobody ever got any respect from anybody by looking at their toes! You don't have to stare him down nose-to-nose; just simply look at his/her eyes WITHOUT BREAKING CONTACT (a sure sign of weakness or dishonesty). In fact, whenever you talk to ANYBODY in the workplace, eye contact is important, because it silently commands respect from those to whom you talk.

4) Follow up your response if necessary - In the previous situation, I did that twice. First, when I corrected myself, and told him hey may cuss me out, but it won't happen more than once, and again, when I asked him why he felt it was necessary to threaten me. In my opinion, this lets boss-man know that you will remember how he came off to you for a long time to come. This is important, because when he deals with you later, he will undoubtedly watch what he says to you much more carefully!

5) Remain courteous and respectful - This factor is all about taking the high road. Giving the bonehead respect, even if she doesn't deserve any, automatically makes you a cut above her, no matter how much bread her ol' man has or what fancy degree hangs on her office wall. Believe it or not, this twists the knife but GOOD, because she has already deemed you to be a knuckle-dragger when she tried to intimidate you, and finishing the confrontation with a touch of class really helps administer the coup de grace, and makes her look like the fool!

These final steps are rather intangible, but VERY important if you are going to stand your ground before your supervisor. The are elements of character and attitude.

6) Be the best damn worker that you can be! - You will have no leverage at all if you are unreliable and lazy. Show up every day, ON TIME! Work over whenever you can. Take on extra projects. TRIPLE check all of your work. Own up to any mistakes you make (no matter how huge) like an adult. Speak professionally and intelligently. See, an intelligent worker is what intimidates bully bosses more than a surprise OSHA inspection!

7) Remember: "I came here looking for a job; I'll LEAVE here looking for a job!" - Seriously, don't be so freakin' job-scared that you'll let some screw walk all over you! God made you with more dignity than that! No job, and I repeat, NO JOB is worth being treated like garbage over! If the workplace is that unbearable, just use vacation or sick time, and the Internet to find another job. When a reasonable offer is made, ALWAYS work a two week notice (unless the situation escalates dangerously), and give your best until the last day. Only then may you have the pleasure of looking the fat oaf right dead in the eye and telling him to go straight to hell!

Remember, Jay-Oh-Bees are a dime a dozen, despite what the New York Times and Washington Post says. As long as there are people who are too big a fairies to get their hands dirty, YOU WILL MAKE MONEY! Actually, you work the day job to keep your bills paid, then use your time at night to work towards achieving your dreams. Sooner or later, you will become your own boss, if you don't stop fighting for the brass ring! Or, as Dennis DeYoung once said in Don't Wait for Heroes, "Winners are losers who got up and gave it just one more try"!

My grandfather had been both labor and management during his long work history. He told me his Modus Operandi for managing employees:

"You try to intimidate your employees, and the ones you cannot intimidate, if they are good workers, you treat them with respect, and hope they stick around". Thank you, Pop-pop, for that sage advice that forever changed the way I handle my supervisors!