How to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom Without Losing Your Identity

We live in a society in which a woman's value is often determined by her contributions to society. Increasingly, a woman who chooses to stay at home with her children, rather than working a job outside of the home, is confronted with a feeling of worthlessness. This feeling is magnified by the fact that more women are developing careers of their own prior to having children. By the time a woman makes the switch from full-time employee to full-time mommy, she has already been conditioned to measure her self-worth in terms of her financial contributions to her family as well as by her professional accomplishments.

I fell into this category when I made the switch from full-time professional to full-time mom. I had become successful in my career and felt a tremendous sense of accomplishment in my job. However, when my focused changed from lucrative employment to motherhood, I felt my self-confidence plummet. I was used to judging my effectiveness by how many reports I completed, or how many employees I counseled in a given day. Suddenly I had no meter which I could use to gauge my success at being a parent. Through my years as a stay-at-home mom, I have developed ways in which I can be a dedicated, full-time mom, while still nurturing my personal identity apart from motherhood.

1. Realize your worth. Take mental note of what you do each day. You are a laundress, a maid, an accountant, a child-care provider, a nutritionist, a nurse, a cook and a master organizer. You do not get guaranteed lunch breaks, paid time off or sick leave. You work around the clock rain or shine without financial compensation. Keep in mind that you are not lazy if you stay home to take care of your children. You do not need to give your husband a list of all of the things you accomplished during the day in order to prove that you are working hard. The compulsion to account for what you spend your time on is instilled in women who are used to working jobs outside of the home. Refuse to give in to this desire. You are worth more as a stay at home mother than you could ever be as a full-time professional.

2. Recognize your talents aside from mothering. Though a stay-at-home mom perfects the abilities necessary to do her job well, she still has many, many other talents that can be utilized. What are your strengths? If you had a job before becoming a mother, what aspects of it did you enjoy? Do you have a knack for decorating? Do you enjoy working with numbers? Are you a writer a musician or a dancer? Do you enjoy gardening? Do you have the ability to counsel and work with other people? Just because you make the decision to stay home with your children does not mean that you have to give up all of the wonderful qualities you possess. You should still seek outlets which will enable you to use your talents and abilities. Whether or not you seek to supplement your income with your skills is up to you, but do not give up things you enjoyed and before you decided to stay home, in the name of being the ultimate mother.

3. Relate to others. There are wonderful support groups and programs available to mothers of young children. Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPs) offers an opportunity to meet with other moms who are facing the same challenges and needs as you are. There are small group discussions and specialized speakers on topics relative to parenting. MOPs has chapters all over the country. There are also groups available for first-time moms, breastfeeding mothers and more. Get in touch with your local Community Education center or clinic to find out what is available in your area. The opportunity to connect with other women is essential to nurturing yourself.

Being a mother is not the entire personality of a woman. Rather, being a mom is one facet of many which a woman can possess. You are also a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister, and yes, an individual. Don't lose sight of yourself. Instead, seek ways in which you can nurture and grow the woman that you are.