How to Stay Safe During Boxing Day Shopping

Each year, there is a special day where thousands of children, teens, and adults all fled to their local retail shops. They come in flocks, causing the retail stores to be extremely packed, dangerous, and quite frankly the places become a scary place.

Each year people get mauled while shopping on boxing day. Mad crowds push and shove until they can get the items they want. On this day, all thoughts of being polite and orderly disappear, and everyone, yes, everyone turns into a blood sucking, merchandise buying possessed evil being. These people will do anything to get the exact item they want. They aren't afraid to push, shove, trip, bite, or injure their competitors. They will get what they want, as they let nothing stand in their way. So heres a few tips on how to stay safe when shopping this boxing day. Be careful though, use the tips in order, as the final few are the last resort type of tips.

Try to act polite

Sometimes trying to act polite towards these people is just the perfect thing to do, as they don't expect it from their competitors.

Pushing and Shoving

If trying to act polite doesn't work, then push and shove them back when they give you a nudge or just happen to run into you. Be careful though, don't let security see this, otherwise know one knows what may happen to you...

Biting

If the person still persists in getting that same gift that you want, and there happens to only be one life, start biting them when no ones looking. Go for the arms most of the time, as this works best.

Spiked Clothing

If the malls and retail stores become a complete madhouse, a good way to garner some personal space, and lower the amount of competitors you have, wear spiked clothing. Make sure the spikes do in fact hurt, and make sure that they're on the parts of your body that stick out the most. This will greatly lessen your competitors.

Mean Dude Look

If all these tactics still aren't working for you, then do your mean dude look. Make sure it's as fierce as can be, and maybe then they'll back off. Don't forget, make sure that there's that special look in your eyes, you know the back-off-buddy-if-you-know-whats-good-for-you look. This works most of the time.

Savage

If none of these tactics listed above work, there is one last resort thing you can do to get that piece of merchandise that you so badly want. And that is, become a complete savage. Start throwing punches at whoever's in your way, bite, rip and tear clothing, kick, grope, smack, pinch, bite, tackle, do whatever you possibly can to get that valuable piece of merchandise that you want so badly.

*I can not be held responsible for any trouble you get in while doing boxing day shopping
**This is a just for fun article, please don't really do any of this(unless of course it's a last resort type of thing ;)