How to Stay Sane While Learning to Play Golf

I heard a story once about country music legend Willie Nelson talking about the golf course he'd had built for himself.

"What's par on your course?" the visitor asked.

"Whatever I say it is," Willie said. "Like that hole right there, that's a par 17. And ... I dang near birdied that sucker yesterday!"

A little extreme, yes, but bending the rules of golf can come in handy when one is learning the ropes. Early in my journalism career, I moved to a town that boasted at least six 18-hole courses within a 20-minute drive. That's important because the town wasn't very large. One of my first assignments was to begin writing a weekly column covering the local courses.

"I'll do my best," was my reply.

I failed to mention I had never swung a golf club in my life.

This was in October. I muddled through the first few months, trying desperately to avoid anything too in-depth, anything that would let readers know I hadn't the foggiest idea what I was talking about. Of course, the name of the column, "Chipping for Par," told readers at least I had a sense of humor. About six months later, I received a set of golf clubs from my father-in-law as a birthday present. I knew our family was planning to visit Sarasota, Fla., in July on vacation.

My goal was to get good enough in three months that I could go to a public course in Sarasota and not bring play to a screeching halt.

The first few trips to the local courses were forgettable. I took along a couple of guys I worked with. They passed along a few pointers and I took those and tried to apply them. Being results-oriented, though, I was frustrated that I wasn't scoring better.

That's when I put the system into place.

Par-four holes suddenly became par-fives. Par-five holes suddenly became par-sixes. Par-three holes played a lot better as par-fours. With the pressure off, I began to relax and not worry so much about hitting perfect shots each time I drew back a club. Of course, I kept the system to myself. I never scribbled through my scorecard or - heaven forbid - tell anyone what I was doing. That would have been shameful.

Amazingly, my scoring began to decrease. (In golf, that's good.)

Soon, I was able to score like the amateurs I was playing with. Sometimes, I even beat a few of them.

The trip to Sarasota was a blast. A couple of days, I managed to slip in 36 holes. And not once did a course ranger have to chase me down.