How to Steal the Heart Of a Man or a Woman

Like so many articles written before this one, there is a method that can be learned which will help you win the heart of a man or a woman. However, before any of these methods can be used or applied, there are two very important things that will affect the success of these actions.

First, you must want their heart for the right reasons! You can't use these methods for a simple one night stand, or a fling. There is a big difference between dating/ checking someone out/ fooling around and the L word. These methods are for the latter and nothing less.

Second, you must be sincere, and you must be sure. Obviously, you must already want this person to love you, but love is a very serious thing my friend. It should not be entered into lightly, because real love never ends lightly. If you have no doubts that you would like to win the heart of this man or woman, then read on.

The most common advice you will hear is to maintain eye contact when someone is talking. Yes, yes, and yes this is wonderful advice. When it is paired with 'it gives the illusion of your full attention' then it is awful advice. There should be no illusion about it!

When someone is talking, you should always hold eye contact, and listen to what they are saying. Forget the advice so often found about adding an occasional "Uh-huh" or "Ok" to add to the illusion of listening. Here's something you may not have noticed... but it is easy to pick up on if someone is actually listening, or just pretending to. Not everyone has that ability, but why take your chances.

More importantly, you want to know what this person is talking about! If you can picture a future with this person and want them to do the same, you want to have good conversations. No good conversation ever stems from pretending to listen! So yes, it is very important to hold eye contact when you are with somebody, but it is even more important to be really listening... and ask questions that prove you have been following them.

Here's another tip. Don't build yourself up all the time! Nobody's perfect. For a change, tell the person about your insecurities and why you have them. Lay it all out on the table.

This is important for a number of reasons. It will tell you how willing that heart is to be stolen. They can either accept you, or shut you out. If they shut you out... it may hurt but it will have saved you a painful heartbreak later on down the road when that person discovers you're not as perfect as you seemed to be. You're real. Acceptance is one of the most important things in love, and without it nothing else matters. (Not trust, not faithfulness, not even money! -Just a joke.)

It is also important because if you are accepted, it will encourage the same from the person you are trying to win over. They will in turn share their vulnerabilities.

Everybody has a 'wall of protection'. It could be fragile, or it could be like a maximum security prison. Every person is the same when they drop those walls and let themselves be seen. They get emotional. And we're talking love here, people. That is the strongest of all emotions! It can get in and out through those walls, but it is a much better emotion when those walls are down and it has a free pass to get in!

Be interesting! For the love of God, don't be like 'everyone else.' If you fit in the dime a dozen category, you'll have the hardest time stealing anyone's heart. Have your own interests, your own goals and dreams, and your own stories. (Don't steal stories from friends, but you can occasionally tell a story that happened to a friend as long as it is a really good one and you don't change it to say it happened to you!) Remember you can't fake a good sense of humor, so don't even bother or you'll just look like an idiot.

Ask about her/ his interests! Maybe they'd be willing to go fishing or antiquing with you sometime, maybe not. Whether they would or not shouldn't affect you at least showing an interest in their interests. Even if you wouldn't want to include them on your favorite hobby, allowing them to talk about theirs and not acting bored when they do will show more interest than anything else you can do.

Now I know this should be obvious, but you can say it a million times and some people still don't get it. Be honest! That means don't be fake! Oh please, some people can't even be real with themselves... it's so hard to find someone that knows who they really are and are not ashamed of it. Stand out from all the posers! Who are you trying to impress? Nothing is more transparent than dishonesty!

Yes, faithfulness is equally important. Obviously if you are really trying to win someone's heart over... you're not going to be unfaithful. Yet. This tip is for those who have already won that heart. Don't break it! If there is a problem, fix it or give up but nothing is more painful than the feeling of betrayal. If you had to fight for someone's love, don't make them regret surrendering it! (Perhaps this will fit better in another article: How to Keep a Heart.) I only mention it here because it should be one of the most important decisions. If you want someone to love you, you should never hurt that person!

Back to the 'beginning'... never, ever, ever make false promises.
"I'll always cook breakfast in bed for you every Sunday."
"I'll rub your back every night."
"I'll never let you down."

If anyone believes that, they're a fool. The more important thing is you shouldn't need to make false promises. don't they sound a bit like a bribe when you really sit down and think about it? This just goes back to don't change yourself, don't make yourself sound better than you really are, and don't lie.

Perhaps I should elaborate on this one a bit more though. Those 'false promises' are seemingly harmless. Again, no one really believes them, and you are just declaring how you feel at that time. However, when that 'new' feeling wears out and a relationship becomes routine... those subconscious hopes that may have developed from such idealistic vows will lead to an invisible disappointment. It could be quite destructive, and very unseen.

You're better off making silly promises like
"We'll make love every other Thursday."
"I'll rub your feet whenever you ask me to, if I feel like it."
"I'll do my best..."

The bottom line, and the best tip to stealing anyone's heart is (in my opinion) appealing to their primitive nature. Remember that we (men and women) do speak different languages, but when dating we tend to forget that and speak a 3rd language, acting as though we actually understand each other. You may not realize it, but men act more feminine (sensitive to your needs and feelings) and women act more masculine (acting more 'aloof'.)

Returning again to 'not building yourself up' and 'being real'... drop that act. If you can train yourself to show that you are a woman and you need attention, or you are a man and you offer solutions to problems if you are forced to listen to them... if you are still compatible then you are definitely, definitely on the right road.

Now, stealing a heart is not always quick. It may take a bit longer. But unlike the guilt from stealing money or other items, stealing hearts can be very rewarding. Just as long as it's not a hobby.