How to Stop Arguing with Your Spouse About Money

In a recent conversation, a friend said that she and her husband were selling their house because the husband was having financial problems. This comment begged the thought, "Aren't his financial problems your financial problems?" A marriage means that finances effect you both. That is why it is important to discuss your finances in a productive way.

Differences of Opinion

Your personality is largely defined by your emotions. Childhood experiences will often set the stage for how you relate to your finances. If your parents were wasteful with money, you will either be wasteful yourself, or go the opposite way and pinch every penny. Money can also symbolize something different to each person, like power, control, security, or love.

Gender also plays a strong role in how we feel about money. Men are often more likely to take risks and less likely to save for emergencies. They often base their self-esteem on their ability to make money. Women are likely to see money as a ameans for finding security. This makes them more apt to place importance on savings.

Family Communication

Financial problems are the single most prevalent cause of divorce, cited as the culprit 90% of the time. Because financial decisions affect everyone in the family, it is important to communicate your feelings about finances with your partner and make sure you listen carefully to how your partner feels.

When talking about finances with your spouse there are a few ground rules you should follow to keep peace and amity between you.

Pick a Place and Time

Where and when you talk is just as important as what you choose to talk about. Pick a time when the kids are in bed. Pick a neutral location, like the dining room table. If your discussion is disrupted before you can finish the conversation, make a date to talk again and stick to it.

No Blaming

The worst thing you can do when discussing finances is to begin blaming each other for your financial problems. Do not point out the new shoes your wife bought last week or all the times your husband ate at a restaurant this week instead of packing a lunch from home. These issues only serve to distract you from making a workable financial plan. If you want to discuss where too much money is being spent, fess up about your own overspending, then ask your spouse where he can cut some spending.

Set Goals

When you begin your talk, it is important to set a goal for the conversation. What is it that you want to accomplish? Are you looking for ways to cut spending, or trying to decide how much money to put in savings?

Keep on Topic

It is also a good idea to keep a record of your financial conversations. When you are talking about where you can cut spending, you might think of some important points about your savings plan. Since you should keep each discussion to a single point, write down what you want talk about next time. This will keep the conversation from gettig out of hand and complicated.

Compromise

Your financial dreams can be different from your spouse's, so it is important to compromise. Keep communication open so you can find this middle ground and create your financial plan. Without a shared plan, you and your partner will not be able to leverage your shared strength and reach the financial freedom you both desire.

Once you and your spouse have created your shared financial plan, it will be another connection that binds your marriage in a positive way. Working together towards a shared goal will strengthen your love and respect for each other.