How to Stop Being a Yes Woman

You've seen them in the office, you've seen them at the mall, heck you've probably even seen the yes woman when you look in the mirror. She's the one that shows up at work every day bright eyed and smiling no matter how awful the job is, she's the one that no matter how much work you pile on her, or how much overtime you ask her to do, she goes for it. She is also the one who does all the housework and grocery shopping and schlepping of the children from this activity to that with nary a complaint. Now don't you wish she wouldn't do that, and that you wouldn't do that? I know I do.

The funny thing is I've been that woman. I've had the job that I desperately needed to support myself and my husband, and that I was way overqualified for, and for which I was always concerned about being "let go" when my usefulness was at an end. But I've also been on the other end of this spectrum where I've had the co-worker, friend, or even acquaintance that would be like this and watching them would just drive me nuts. The thing is being a yes woman is not a good thing. Saying yes to everything whether verbally or non-verbally or with our actions says some very not good things about ourselves as women. It says that we don't think we are worthy, that we think we don't have the right to ask for help, and that we think we don't have the right to say no, no matter how overwhelmed we may feel.

We need to stop the cycle of saying yes all the time, and start working towards healthy working, and family relationships where there is positive give and take on both sides. But how do you begin doing that? Here are some tips for stopping the vicious cycle of being a yes woman.

1. Recognize that you have worth. Many of us have low self-esteem whether we consciously recognize it or not. Start working on improving your self-esteem. One way that you can do that is working on accepting yourself as you are now. Another way is by using positive affirmations or sayings that begin retraining your brain to think about your self in a positive way.

2. Stop saying yes when what you really want to do is say no. If you aren't sure if your answer is yes or no, then ask the person who is making the request for a little time to figure out if you can fulfill their request or not. Most people will not mind you not giving them an answer right away. Then if your answer is no don't be afraid to say so.

3. If the thought of saying no to someone really bothers you, start out by practicing with saying no with little less significant things and then work your way up to the larger more difficult things. For example, maybe your husband asks you if he can have a business dinner at your home which you will of course prepare and clean up after. If you really don't want to do it, then say no. Chances are your husband will forgive you, and he will also more likely to be understanding when you say no again in future.

4. Don't make excuses when you say no. It is not necessary for you to list the reasons why you can't do something or say why you are refusing unless someone asks you. Many times when you begin giving reasons this makes the person doing the asking think you can be persuaded to do what you have already said no to. Or, they may think if they can remove the obstacle you've mentioned that then you will do what they want. It's always a good idea to just simply say no without any explanation, otherwise you may find yourself doing something you really do not want to do.

5. Stop saying yes with your actions. For example if you are a woman who thinks that husbands should help out around the house but you don't discuss this with your husband or ask him to do anything to help you because you know he will be upset, or will make excuses, then you need to stop right there. It is time to stop saying yes with your actions. You need to sit down have a discussion with your husband and split up the chores equally. Partners can get complacent and sometimes they may not even know that you think they should help you. Since it is usual for both partners to work outside the home this is only fair. Also, this is only one example of saying yes by what you do. There are many others.

So, now you know what a yes woman is, and how to stop being that woman. I know that once I put these tips into action my self-esteem went up, and people respected me more for it.