How to Stop Saying "I Can't"

You have most likely heard people talk about "the law of attraction," "mind over matter," or "you are what you think." Regardless of what you call it, each of these concepts points to the same thing: Our thoughts create our experience rather than our experiences creating our thoughts.

Although there is a lot of controversy and misunderstanding over this belief, there is a lot of truth to it. I'm sure almost everyone will agree that the more you focus on something the more intense the feeling attached to it will become. For example, if you are constantly thinking about something sad like, the death of a loved one or the loss of a home, you are going to feel increasing levels of sadness until you change your focus.

If we think one way for a long enough period of time, it becomes a habit. Sort of like when you smoke a cigarette for the first time; you aren't addicted at first, but the more you smoke, the more the body becomes used to the nicotine, the greater the addiction and the harder it is to give up.

This is true for all types of thoughts, including "I can't" thoughts. If you believe you can't and you tell yourself that over and over, it becomes a habit. Your mind is addicted to the belief whether you want to be or not.

The good news is that, habits can be broken. Yes, even negative thought habits.

Below is a simple 4 step process to help you overcome "I can't" beliefs and begin believing "I can."

1. You have to become aware of all of your "I can't" beliefs and accept them before you can change them. A really easy way to do this is to write down all of your "I can't" beliefs. For example, maybe you think, "I can't get this done in time." Write all of the beliefs down exactly as you say them to yourself each day.

After you have written them down, go through the list and rewrite each one in the positive tense, rephrasing them as "I can" statements. So, now your "I can't get this done in time" would become, "I can get this done in time."

This exercise brings the negative statements into awareness and helps you transform them into positive ones. Once you have done this, you can continue to do it on a daily basis, whenever you feel the "I can't" thoughts taking over again. It is also important to pay attention to your thoughts throughout the day. As soon as you notice an "I can't" rephrase it as an "I can." This takes a lot of determination and effort, but if you really want to end the destructive thought patterns, you have to be willing to do the work.

2. Affirmations are an extremely effective way to stop "I can't" thoughts. One of the quickest ways to end a negative thinking habit is to replace it with a positive one. Affirmations are positive thoughts, repeated. Saying these positive statements over and over is one of the quickest and easiest ways to end the cycle of destructive thoughts and build a system of positive and encouraging beliefs.

In the case of the "I can't" thoughts, the best affirmation you can use is "Yes I can." It is easy to remember, reinforces the exact opposite of the negative belief, and it is a firm statement that leaves little room for questioning. If you say it in your mind, over and over, all day long, it will begin to take root and you will start to believe it. Give it a try. Affirm to yourself, "Yes I can" over and over every day, for the next 21 days, and see if it makes a difference (For more information about affirmations see the link on the left listed under resources).

3. Most of the time when we believe we can't do something, we don't even try. If we take that approach then we will never try anything we have doubts about and therefore will always believe it is impossible for us. Consider doing it anyways.

For the longest time I wanted to write, but I never did anything about it because I didn't think I could. I thought I didn't know enough, or that I wasn't good enough, so I never went beyond jotting down my thoughts in a journal. A couple of years ago I decided to try it anyways, I took classes and started publishing my writing online. I may not be the best, but I enjoy doing it and I know as long as I keep doing it and continue learning, I will only get better. You never know until you try. So, the next time you think you can't do something, try to anyways.

4. Once you start challenging yourself and attempting what you once believed to be impossible, keep a record of all of your successes. Do not record the times you may have fallen short; that will only reaffirm the destructive beliefs. If however, you start to take notice of the times you succeed; it will encourage you to keep trying. The more you try the more you will start to see that you can do what you thought you couldn't.

If you are really serious about putting an end to the "I can't" habit, then follow these steps. Remember, the most important thing is that you believe that you can overcome your "I cant's," and you will.