How Stress Management Techniques Can Improve Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

Do you feel the sexual intimacy in your marriage can improve? If you answered, "yes" then you and your spouse can greatly benefit from stress management techniques. To help understand how stress management techniques can help improve sexual intimacy in marriage, I have interviewed psychotherapist Lori Zatz.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.
"I am a psychotherapist in private practice here in Philadelphia. I work primarily with individuals and couple. I also teach workshops on relationships, breathwork, yoga and stress reduction, as well as self-care for health care providers. What I do is 'body-center psychotherapy.' Helping people get in touch with what is really going on with them. We all have unwanted feelings that we would prefer to ignore. When we start to ignore or push aside these feelings, we are literally making ourselves sick, physically, mentally and emotionally. I help people to learn to relax into difficult experiences and into life itself. Moving from existing to living so to speak, instead of trying to avoid half of life -- the uncomfortable half. When we learn how to do this, how to lean into discomfort, living all of life, life unfolds for us in a way that is often beyond our imagination or what our previously limiting beliefs would allow."

What are some common reasons married couples have problems in the areas of sexual intimacy?
"Married couples have sexual intimacy problems for all of the reasons you can probably think of: lack of time, stress, kids, fatigue, poor diet or heath, worries, resentments and unresolved issues with your partner. There are probably more, but this is what is coming to mind at the moment. It's too bad, you know? Because a good sexual relationship would help to combat much of these problems."

How can stress management techniques help improve sexual intimacy for married couples?
"Most people take very little time for themselves during a day. After a long day of giving to the world, either at work, doing errands or chores, taking care of children, cooking dinner, often the last thing you are feeling is romantic. Add to this lack of sleep and/or poor diet it may be seemingly physically impossible! Most of us are giving, giving, giving all day, and at the end of the day there may be little or nothing left to give to our partners. Often, at this point, we consciously or unconsciously want our partners to take care of us. While this may be ok, and necessary on occasion, it is not all that sexy and does not usually make for real intimacy.

When we are relaxed and in touch with the 'okness' of everything, even if it looks messy on the surface, as life often does, it is easier to let our guards down and to open to our partners; To allow them to support us, as well as to be there for them. We need to be able to let our day go as well as our expectations in order to be fully there with one another."

What type of stress management techniques would be helpful in improving a married couple's sexual intimacy? "Number one: Get in touch with your own body. Number two: Communicate if necessary.

Our society is so other focused, we are concerned with what other people are thinking or feeling, we want our partner to have warm feelings for us, often we are thinking of them before we are thinking of ourselves. How can you deal with your own stress if you are not staying with yourself. Here is a practice to try: Sit or lay down, take some slow deep breaths and just allow everything to be as it is. Scan your body, if you notice some tension, tightness or unwanted feeling bring your attention to it, breathe and just let it be. N otice how your body responds. Soften yourself to the feeling and open your breathing. This will naturally allow the feeling it's full expression and then it will release of its own accord. The more we resist something the more it sticks around to cause us grief, so breath into it, let it be there, do not try and make it go away. Just make room for it. Yes? Do this with physical, mental or emotional feelings. Often it is easier to start with physical sensations and then move into the subtler reams of mental and emotional. Any type of physical activity is also a great stress reliever and can help you feel better and sexier in your own skin - yoga and/or martial arts are excellent choices as they helps you to breathe and get into the body -- Take a class with your partner!

We don't often think of communication as a stress management technique . But think about it, lack of communication is a huge stress maker. Most of us have been so trained as to what we should do, think or feel, that when what is going on is not what we think should be going on - we get upset and then stuck with it. There is a feeling of nothing we can do, because we shouldn't be feeling this way at all. We should be feeling more accepting, or compassionate, less whiney or whatever! Sounds stressful huh? Really all of your feelings are ok and valid. This doesn't mean to communicate every little thing. Communication is an art and takes practice.

We also tend to think that after knowing someone or being married to that person for so many years, we shouldn't have to tell them everything! This is not true, misunderstandings and upsets are often easily remedied with simple and proper communication. Not expressing oneself can be a huge stress on the individual as well as the relationship. If you are upset about some perceived wrong doing - however small, it can be hard to let that go and be intimate with your partner. So tell them what is wrong, ask for what you want, do not blame them -- simply express what is going on with you. This emotional intimacy is a great precursor to physical intimacy . Remember, communication can be messy or sloppy at times, be easy on yourself and your partner and it will get that much better.

Relax yourself, get in touch with what ever is going on - pleasant or unpleasant. Communicate if necessary and enjoy each other! Some of this is hard to do at first: get a coach or a therapist to help you stay present, Read books on communication, journal if that's your thing, start meditating, even for 3 minutes a day. Stay with it! If you do - I guarantee you will see results."

Thank you Lori for doing the interview on how stress management techniques can help improve sexual intimacy. For more information on Lori Zatz or her work you can check out her website on lorizatz.com .

Recommended Readings:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5644514/increasing_your_sexual_activity_in.html?cat=5">Increasing Your Sexual Activity in Marriage

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/119410/how_to_put_the_sizzle_back_in_your.html?cat=74">How to Put the Sizzle Back in Your Marriage

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2859838/how_to_deal_with_an_annoying_husband.html?cat=72">How to Deal with Annoying Husband