How to Successfully Parent an ADD Child

There are many similarities between ADD and ADHD but there are just as many differences. That is the key on how to raise a child with this disorder. Raising a child with ADD can be both difficult and lonely and it is definitely a full-time job! You may feel as frustrated as your child and feel like all you do is chase after him/her trying to clean up messes, both physical and emotional. The first step is to learn exactly what you are dealing with.

What Is ADHD/ADD? These disorders didn't appear in the scientific or medical communities until 1902 when a British pediatrician by the name of Dr. George Still began clinical work on a trouble nine-year-old boy. He described the boy as having a 'defective moral character' and 'possessed a marked inability to concentrate and sustain attention'.

By the 1940's and 1950's, the symptoms that made up ADHD were titled as being 'minimal brain dysfunction'. But some began using the term 'hyperactivity' or 'hyperkineses'. By 1987, scientists referred to this disorder as ADHD.

Even today, no one has pinpointed the exact cause of ADHD/ADD.

ADD AND ADHD: Both ADHD and ADD have three things in common: being impulsive, being inattentive and being hyperactive. It is a complex condition because the symptoms can be many and different from any other person you know with the same condition.

After you have figured out that your child fits in one of these categories, ADD or ADHD, and then there are the types.

Predominantly Inattentive or Inattentive ADD: These children are extremely distractible, not impulsive and not hyperactive. In fact, these children don't have a hyper bone in their bodies. This type is mostly found in girls and often daydream. This is why this is termed ADD instead of ADHD and if treated with medication, must be treated differently than an ADHD child.

Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive: The title explains it all. They are both very hyper and very impulsive which means they act without thinking while being unable to focus on anything you say or by noises, lights, movements, smells or their own thoughts. These children are not inattentive and will most likely show no inattentive signs whatsoever.

Combined Type: These children are very distracted, very hyper and very inattentive. The majority of people have this type of ADHD.

Symptoms

Now let's talk about the differences, and yes, there are some differences. ADHD is usually easier to recognize and can be diagnosed as early as age 7. Psychiatrists suggest that at least 6 or more symptoms be present by the American Psychiatric Association's DSM-IV.

ADHD children usually, but not always, have behavioral issues in school. Some can even become aggressive or violent because of their problems. ADD in children may not be diagnosed until as late as high school or even later. A great many adults that were never diagnosed during their school career discover that they are ADD in their 20's or even later. ADD children are more difficult to diagnose simply because they may not have behavioral problems. An ADD child may possibly be that shy child in the back of the class with his or her nose in a book. So they can pass through easily without being recognized as having any problems. They are usually referred to as 'withdrawn', 'shy', 'lazy', 'not giving 100%' and 'not living up to their full potential'.

Impatience is a major component of the ADD child but this is usually brought on by frustration or anxiety especially during school. An ADD child is easily distracted, cannot concentrate, is disorganized, sometimes withdrawn to the point of being shy and has low self esteem.

Hyperactivity is also a key component to discovering if your child is ADHD or ADD. Hyperactive children have a tendency to be 'talkers' who never seem to quit; they seem to be run on a motor. It doesn't necessarily have to do with not being able to sit quietly but a child that fidgets a lot can also be termed hyper. Hyperactivity in ADHD children is a constant. ADD children, especially those with Inattentive ADD, don't automatically have these problems. Their problems lie in being able to focus.

Inattentiveness. ADD children can focus on something that peaks their interests or is more visually appealing. But asking a child who thinks math is boring to stay alert on the task at hand may be a great struggle on both the child's and your part. ADHD children have the inability to focus on many things such as reading, listening to a teacher or parent, or even something that they enjoy such as playing a game. ADHD have a tendency to lose interest in a favorite activity after only a few minutes. A noise, movement, lights or something that just popped into their heads also can distract ADHD children. Some ADHD children can be attentive to something they enjoy while most cannot.

How To Help. So how do you learn to help and successfully parent an ADD child? First of all, understand life from their side.

A recent television commercial for a cold medicine will show the cold sufferer standing still while the scenery, usually a busy city street, and races by at breakneck speed. That busy city street is the mind of an ADD child while the cold sufferer is everyone else. Now you might have an idea of how your ADD child sees the world. It's no wonder they have a difficult time in school!

You need to remember that your child cannot control what is happening to him or her. These problems can lead your child to be lonely and misunderstood by their peers. They are unorganized and forgetful. Lights and sounds easily distract them. They have difficulty calming him or her after a stressful day or event. ADD children are known to be compulsive and feel compelled to do things without thinking. When you ask your ADD child why they did something that they know is wrong and they reply, "I don't know." They usually mean it.

Some of the strategies that you can use to help your child are quite simple.

Quiet Time. Since they will have difficulty calming down after school you might want to have a quiet place that your child can go to unwind. This will mean no stimulation like television, video games or computers. You don't need a separate room; just a quiet corner or a kitchen nook that is solely for their use when needed. Also once your child is old enough, teach them how to de-stress through meditation with quiet music (and no, that does not mean Britney Spears or their favorite heavy metal band), yoga or possibly breathing exercises.

Routine, Routine, Routine. Structure is one of the best things to teach your ADD child. This will help in helping them to stay organized, or as organized as they can possibly be. They can have a designated place where their backpack and jacket go like a cubicle or hook in their room. A habit of sitting down as soon as they walk in the door and go through what homework has been assigned or what papers you have to see is a good way to set up a routine with your ADD child. Even a small homework itinerary notebook that they can jot down notes what has happened in each class (while they are in class) will help them remember homework assignments when they arrive home.

Also, keep a consistent daily schedule, which can be a comforting thing for your child. Always, alert your child to changes before they happen. My daughter keeps a calendar on her bedroom door where her routine is written down along with changes. We warn her days in advance when a baseball game is or a trip to her Grandmother's has been cancelled.

Identify Rules, Consequences and, most of all, Rewards. All children forget from time to time but ADD children seem to forget rules more than most. To avoid this, not only discuss rules and the consequences of those actions but also write them down. There is a good chance that what you tell your child, he/she will forget as soon as they walk away. If there is a list of rules and what is expected of that child on a daily basis posted something where the child can easily view it, you have a better chance on the rules being remembered...and followed.

A good idea is to post a set of rules and a set of daily duties in the same place, such as the refrigerator or bulletin board. That way, the child knows exactly where to go to find it. Also list the consequences for breaking the rules and the rewards for following them below it.

For special events, you might want to have a 'contract'. In our house, when a special event is coming up like a sleepover or going to movies with a friend, we have a contract that states what is expected of our daughter and what is expected of us, the parents. Then we both read over the contract and we both sign it. It seems to work because we have not had any issues for 'forgetting' or getting in trouble since the contracts began. It takes a little more time than just saying, "Be home by 9", but it helps cement the rules in your ADD child's head before heading out the door!

Remember, first and foremost, that consequences must be handed down immediately or the ADD child will forget. You should not decide that your ADD child won't receive consequences 'this time' because you set up a bad habit of believing that if they break the rules again, they will 'get out of it' that time as well.

Activities and Groups. Don't allow a withdrawn ADD child to become even more withdrawn. Find activities that they enjoy to help them out of their shell. But make certain it is something that you can oversee such as a sport. That way you can make sure that your child isn't hanging out on the other side of the room being shy and miserable while the others enjoy themselves. Quietly help your child become a part of a group. Make sure that it is an interest that 'interests' them. Let the adults of the group know what your child's issues are from the beginning.

Time. Time is and will always be an issue to an ADD child because they do not pay attention to time. They have difficulty remembering things like "We're going in ten minutes," or "Do the dishes at 7." They also get tired of being nagged about time! Using timers or alarm clocks can be a great help with both mundane household chores and schoolwork. Introduce a younger ADD child to the importance of time by wearing a watch and consistently ask them what time it is or what time you will have dinner/walk the dog/go to bed.

Teacher Involvement. Let your child's teachers, counselors, principal, etc. know about your child's ADD. If his/her teacher has never dealt with an ADD student before, loan them a book, give them a list of websites and instruct them! Some might not know the first thing about ADD students and you will be a great source of information. Have the teachers give you a list of what will be covered during the week and a list of when test will be given and on what material. This way, you can prevent a 'forgetful' day from happening a day before a major exam! Also, this is not a secret. Letting your child's educators know will help your child get through their school career more easily.

Be Their Cheerleader. The best thing that you can do for your ADD child is to load them down with assurance. Commend them in all the things that they are doing well, even the most minute. ADD children suffer from low self esteem and the accolades that they get at home is very helpful in getting them through their day full of negativity, self-induced and from outside influences.

No Negatives. Watch how you correct your ADD child. Negatives are never appropriate to get a child to do something the correct way and ADD children are no exception. In fact, it is usually worse for them due to the fact that they are already low in the esteem department. Instead of saying, "You didn't do that sentence correctly," try a more positive approach as in "What is a different way that we could write that?" More positives and fewer negatives in how you speak to your ADD child can help immensely in the esteem area.

Strengths Try to find your child's strengths. ADD children are known to be very creative. Why not utilize these strong points? After all, creative people with ADD like Ben Franklin, Eleanor Roosevelt, Emily Dickinson and Alexander Graham Bell did all right with their strengths; why would your child be any different?

Get Help. Some ADD children need a little help. That could be medication to help them focus better or support groups for both your child and you as parents. Discuss your child's ADD with family, friends and doctors. Remember this is not a 'bad' child but a child that needs your help.

With a lot of patient, hope, understand and, yes, work, your child's ADD can be an attribute rather than a drawback. ADD is what you make it and it can make your child into a stronger, inventive and successful adult.