How to Support Your Friend Who's Going to Be a Single Mom

Whether having bared a child or not, we all know that a pregnancy can be a very difficult and confusing time. The aches and pains, hormonal changes, and fatigue are just the beginning of her frustration, which can often spread to others as they try to endure mood swings and other unpredictable behavior. But there can be nothing more difficult than being pregnant with no support from the person who helped to create the child. While the pregnancy would have already been difficult, the woman has the added burden of considering life with no help and support. It is at this time that she needs constant empathy and reassurance that someone will be there for her. So below I've provided some tips that might be helpful in supporting a pregnant and single friend during those times that you might want to shut her out.

Support

Remember, no matter how frustrated you want to be with your friend and all of her crazy requests, you are not going through her situation nor feeling how she is feeling. So when she calls you at 11 p.m. - just when you've snuggled into bed for the night - and tells you she's craving ice cream, be a good friend and take on the role that her significant other may have assumed if present. She is at a fragile point in her life and needs lots of love and support. So while it may seem that she's trying to be annoying, she also may just be reaching out for reassurance that someone cares about her during this challenging time. If it's not a major inconvenience for you, get yourself out of bed, buy that ice cream and take it to her. She'll feel that much needed love she deserves.

Help

Managing all of the important elements of her life will be absolutely crucial while she is still waiting for her precious bundle to arrive. This is the time when she will have to make arrangements for the future, such as determining items to request for her baby shower (crib, pampers, stroller, clothes, food, etc.). She will also need to begin deciding how she will manage her money since she will be running a single-family household. In addition, she will need to begin the mental preparation of being a single parent, having back-up plans for those days that she may be completely overwhelmed, like arranging to have people around who can come take the baby when necessary. These are all things that you can bring to her attention and help her organize, maybe going to a baby shower registry with her and being her right-hand (wo)man when she becomes inundated with all of her tasks. You can also be helpful around the house, helping her clean and cook so that she won't have to stress over daily tasks while contemplating such an overwhelming future.

Understand

Even the sweetest person can have a mood swing here and there - especially when she has fallen victim to little feet doing a salsa dance in her stomach. So while you may want to extend your fingers around her neck and give her a nice (and tight) massage, it is very important to place no conditions on your level of understanding. There will be times when she may be angry or feel very frightened for the future and there will be no better person in her life than you to give her that shoulder she needs to lean on. No one knows how far a smile and nod of understanding can take a person when they're on their journey to the land of the unknown, so make a point not to judge those days when she's going through inner turmoil and instead understand that your strength can provide her strength as well.

(Be) There

The last tip is to simply be there for her from beginning to end - even on those days that you really don't want to be bothered. Remember, just as she signed up to have a baby, you signed up to be her friend, which means that sometimes you'll have to be present during difficult times. Though she may have those mood-swingy days, again try to be understanding, and whatever you do don't leave her side. She has already been left behind and faced to deal with a challenging predicament, so remember how important it would be to loved and understood if you were in her position and choose to be there for her. Also, if possible, be there at her delivery. If the father of the child is not able or willing to be present, she will need someone to fill in the void. Your unconditional love and support will not only be highly valued, but unforgotten. And you will have the gift of experiencing the entrance of a new life into this world as the ultimate reward.