How to Support Your Wife After a Miscarriage

Having a child is a huge decision that most couples face at some point of time in their lives. Unfortunately not every pregnancy ends with a baby to hold and love. Some end with a miscarriage. I have a wonderful wife and have 5 beautiful children. Before our third child was born we were pregnant with what would be our 6^th child. We had only just found out a few weeks after my wife missed her period. We were so excited. Only a month later did our excitement transform into disbelief and fear. My wife had started spotting blood which is a bad thing at such an early stage in pregnancy. My wife became very different then I had ever seen her. She was irritable, dissociative and depressed. We had gone to the doctors to find out that our little gift was not going to be delivered. It was going to be what they called spontaneously aborted, A miscarriage. Over the next week she began to bleed more and more and then one morning she started crying and calling my name. I found her in the bathroom and there in the toilet was what appeared to be a miniature person curled in the fetus position. There was our child so tiny just laying there lifeless. I hugged my wife and we cried together. Not more than a few minutes later our child Lauren came into the bathroom and flushed the toilet. I tried to stop it but our little child was gone and all we had was a brief sad moment. My wife had never had a miscarriage before and was really depressed.

If you find yourself in this situation the following may help you help your wife through the situation. First expect some anger as with any death. Do not react defensively or take it personal. Do as much work around the house as you can and let her rest. If possible take some time off of work to support her. If you have other children then make sure to be extra helpful with them and their needs. They will know something is wrong with mommy so try to explain to them as gently and appropriately as possible. Younger children need no more than a story of why mom is sad it is ok to make something up. Do not be afraid to show your sadness and feelings as well. It is important to be strong and provide a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. Stop your wife from blaming herself and assure her that what has happened was beyond her or anyone else's control. It was something that happens a lot and she is not alone. Remind her of the good times you have had. If your wife or is in serious depression and you are concerned then do not be afraid to call a doctor and arrange for her to be seen. She might be resistive at first but, she will come around and realize that it is painful and sad but it is going to be ok. Speak with her friends and any mutual friends you have and arrange some type of get together. Cry on her shoulder and let out your emotions as well this will show her that she is not alone and that you understand and feel the pain she does. Allow her to withdrawal some but not too far from the relationship. This is a normal effect of grief. Make her breakfast in bed and treat her as wonderful as you possibly can. If she says leave me alone or she doesn't want to talk then give her some time. Let her know you are there for her and when she is ready you will be right there. All of these are solutions that have worked for me with my wife when we went through the grief of miscarriage. Only you know your wife so you must take these suggestions and use them in a way that is compatible with your wife. Lastly but certainly not the least remember the day and at least for the first few months to years talk with and monitor your wife's behavior and if possible have a personal ceremony or other remembrance of your lost child. Good luck to you.

Source:

My own experience