How to Survive When Your Boyfriend is in a Band
A couple of weeks after we met, the hosts of a local open jam invited him to join their band. He accepted and has been playing with them ever since. I was left to deal with the insecurities and difficulties that being a musician's girlfriend bring along.
In the last 2 years, I have learned a great deal about dealing with these feelings. I hope the tips below will help you if you are dealing with the same issues.
1. Be Yourself
Don't change who you are to be who you think your boyfriend wants you to be. If you are feminine, keep dressing girlie, don't totally change your style to impress him. If you want to wear a rock t-shirt, that is okay, but don't totally overhaul your life to impress him.
2. Find Your Own Talents
All eyes will be on him most of the time. Find something that makes you feel good, like working out, scrap-booking, cooking, sports, etc. These things will give you time for yourself and make you feel accomplished.
3. Support Him
Show him that you are proud of his accomplishments. Support him by attending some (not all) of his shows.
4. Learn About His Style
Incorporate some of his music into your collection. You will have a deeper appreciation for him and will enjoy listening to his music. Ask him to listen to some of your music as well.
5. Don't Be Jealous
I know it's hard sometimes, because it feels like the band comes first. Don't become jealous and mad when he is doing something he loves. If you really love someone, you will support them, not hinder their talents.
6. Trust Him
Trust that he loves you and will not do anything to hurt you when he is out with the band. Be secure about yourself. I guy is more likely to cheat on an insecure, jealous girlfriend than a secure, happy one.
Published by Sharie
Creativity and writing are passions of mine. I am a 26 year old Customer Service Representative for a small company located in Burlington, WI. I make my home in Kenosha, WI where I enjoy the Lake Michigan... View profile
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44 Comments
Post a CommentGood luck, girls. It doesn't get any better. My boyfriend of 11 years is in Europe right now and won't be back until after the holiday. He was in Canada for 2 weeks with a 2-week hiatus. It's what he has to do to pay the bills, but after several European and North American tours on which I am never invited, it gets pretty old. He's been in the business most of his life and this is it. He isn't going out to get a "real job," not now, not ever and I wouldn't ask him to, but it does seem like the band is his family and I am the one here alone. My dad had heart surgery the other day. Boyfriend doesn't even know about it. I am one of several "band wives" with the same problem. The veteran wives I know have been in this for 25 and 40 years, and they are bitter and resentful. Just to let you know, we all have college degrees and traveled when we were younger! We are not jealous, insecure people, but they keep doing things to make us feel second fiddle. I'm not saying my boyfriend/common-law husband isn't great; he's a great guy and very loving, but the girls will never stop chasing him, it seems, and the chances to travel just fall into his lap. I never have the money to travel or go with because he's a musician. It's a real catch 22 situation. Yes, girl singers in the band ALWAYS cause trouble, especially when she's the bandleader. If your man is rubbing elbows with famous people, he will never want to change his lifestyle. He will always be the one getting attention, and you will always be on the sidelines, and if you try to reason with him about the unconventional lifestyle, i.e. spending too much time with bandmates, not telling you about upcoming gigs/tours (you know he does it, don't deny it), late night texts from girls from out of town, business cards with girls' photos on them, etc., (I even had to put my foot down about his sharing a room with a slutty diva who thought it was alright to share a room with him while out of the country but who didn't want me to go along, even though I speak the language), he will turn it around on you and blame you for being jealous or "making things up." Not all of these guys are cheaters, but they love the attention and will go along with whatever it takes to get these tours. There is no secret formula for making him happy. Besides, he is going to do these things with or without you, and you know that deep inside. He cares more about career than about the relationship. If you want a guy who loves you more than he loves his job, DO NOT MARRY A MUSICIAN! Sitting with my cats at 5 a.m. and I haven't heard his voice in 10 days.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this. My Boyfriend is a singer and he's starting to get a lot of attention. He has a lot of talent and I know he's going to go far, But I immediately started getting anxiety when he started getting more attention. All I know is that I love him and he loves me and I will do what I have to do for our relationship to stay strong. Of course I have worries that he'll find someone better than me but I just keep telling myself that he's lucky to have me and not the other way around. I just want to be Happy for him that is all. I can't help but feeling sad and worried. This sucks.
All I can say ladies is follow your intuition. And thats just PERIOD!!
i want to say that i am with a muscian to
and when i got with him he was not so very famouse but recelty he got realy famouse and gals are ready to die for him
and he is geting way outa hand like he talks to gals and if i object he jus says i am a muscians this happens
and the point is i realy dun like it and when i started issues so then he started geting away and now he says he dosnt even feel for me
where as he has been with me for two years and every one knows he is turly in love
but he cant show love
even he in his head dose know that
I don't think I can handle it anymore-I can't stand the clubs and the drunk chicks. True I could be called insecure and all the things that are my issues, but really I would just rather not need to "try".
My boyfriend just left his current band to go back to his old band which is going on tour, he will pretty much be gone a month and a half, home a week, gone a month, home a week, then gone a month again. It also doesnt help that he lives two hours away from me and his band is based in another state than where I or he lives. I'm trying to grasp this, I knew it'd be hard, but not this hard. Also, we're at the point where our relationship is going to THAT level. I'm scared we're going to fall apart.
your post is pretty right on. i've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half and he's been in a band the whole time. now its getting to the point where he'll be leaving to tour and all that and im really worried that i wont be able to handle it. id rather us break up then him give up his dreams for me. but i dont ever want to be with someone else. its really hard. im always worried that he's going to cheat on me with all the girls that are literally in love with him. i trust him...but its still there.does anyone have any advice on what to do when your boyfriend is on tour?
well its just the other way around with me. he wants me to cancel shows and spend more time with him, while we already see eachother like nearly every day in the week. and if he was the one to get all these chances to play gigs with his band (he is in another band but doesnt get the many pretty chances i get), i know i would support him the way i'd like to be supported. and he says he does support me but i don't buy it when he says that he doesn't have enough time with me. playing in a band and getting these opportunities has always been my biggest dream ever and before him i was never going to let anyone keep me away from my dreams, so actually i feel like i'm kinda cheating on myself in that way. and i don't know, it feels like it's come so far that i have to choose between him or myself.
My boyfriend and i have been together for a year. he recently joined a fairly famous band and it is cool but i get super depressed and lonely when he is on tour hes away right now and im just really missing having him home to cuddle me and i miss most looking into his eyes. a picture just doesnt do it for me. i know he misses me too but i just feel so far away from him and lonely...im also afraid that he isnt thinking of me as much because hes out having fun and im at home...
(part 3)not the type of girl who thinks all men are dogs that can never be faithful, I do believe there are some good men out there and my bf is one of them, but there’s just a fear of the unknown. For me it’s not so much as jealousy because frankly, if my bf is interested in someone else, I’ll be depressed for a long time, but GOOD RIDDENS! For me, it’s more about not being made a fool. I hope you all post more really soon, and I’ll be totally glad to give any advice!