How to Survive This Economic Chernobyl

OK, you've heard the horror stories. By 2010, unemployment may reach as high as Paris Hilton's IQ, which, let's face it, isn't that bad. Company payrolls are shrinking faster than the books in the George W. Bush Presidential Library. Calm down. Sit down. Take a deep breath. Now, remember that Woody Allen line. "The most beautiful words in the English language are not 'I love you.' But, 'It's benign.'" As long as you've got your health, you will make it through. Of course, if you don't have a health plan, the whole health notion is kind of problematic.

So here's a little help from a few human resources experts, Jennifer Loftus and Anthony Soudatt. What they have to say might just take your job from the critical list back to stable condition.

DR. ED, HOW'S MY JOB HEALTH?

What do I look like your Boss's mind reader? I have no idea. That's why I asked Jennifer Loftus, the National Director for New York-based Astron Solutions, a human resources consulting firm. Jennifer cautions to be on the lookout for the four warning signs.

1. "If you or your department has no work to do, or minimal job assignments, while the majority of the organization is working like crazy, that's one sign of a potential layoff."

2. "If you're always referred to as "overhead" and not seen as positively contributing to the organization's bottom line, watch out.

3. "If your performance appraisal scores are lower than those of your peers (or you suspect that they are), if there's going to be a layoff chances are you'll be first.

4. "If you or your department is busy, but working on day to day "stuff" rather than mission critical projects, you won't be viewed as indispensable and therefore more likely to be laid off."

Based on Jennifer's four points how do you stack up? If your answer is contemplating neck in the noose, head in the oven or body in a full bathtub with a plugged in toaster oven to keep you warm, stop! Reread Woody Allen's line and repeat it like a mantra. That job isn't going Code Blue yet. Jennifer offers some excellent tips.

BUT DR. ED, I WANT TO KEEP MY JOB. EATING HAS BECOME A HABIT WITH ME.

If you do suspect your job may be on the chopping block and if your company has an open culture now is the time to use those verbal skills by speaking with your immediate manager. "Being proactive is one's best weapon," says Jennifer. "While such a conversation can't guarantee preventing a layoff, it should arm the employee with the information necessary to make informed next steps."

Okay, so you're in this meeting, what should you do? First, begging is not an option. Again, Jennifer urges a proactive stance. Be direct. State the reasons you're worried about your job. Remember living in denial only worked for Donald Rumsfeld and then only for a limited time.

And listen, "because depending on the feedback from the other party, asking for participation on mission critical projects or assignments can be helpful in preventing a personal layoff. The key is to make sure that the managers involved think that you are indispensable by adding positive value - most typically increased revenues or decreased expenses through efficiencies and not layoff savings - to the bottom line."

Sounds good, you say. But how do you say it? Confidently. Think Bernie Madoff before he got pinched. Jennifer cautions, squash qualifiers like "I think" or "Do you think?" Don't phrase it, "Do you think there will be a layoff in the next month?" But state, "Will there be a layoff in the next month?"

Along with listening, keep your eyes open for body language. If your manager tells you don't worry while he/she is backing further away from you getting ready to head under the desk in case you start flinging office furniture, "network, network, network. Make sure everyone knows you and how valuable you are," advises Jennifer.

PROGNOSIS NEGATIVE. DOCTOR, WE'VE LOST THE JOB. WHAT NOW?

Yes, your worst fear has been realized, well, not your worst. Again, remember Woody Allen. You've been downsized, let go, terminated, laid off. However, you want to put it. First the bad news, an employer is not required to provide severance. COBRA will allow you 18 months of healthcare coverage under your former company's plan. However, the company will now expect you to pay the full monthly premium plus 2% as an administration fee. Jennifer Loftus has some good news on that. "You can use COBRA as a tool in severance negotiations. Depending on one's position and length of service with the organization, the organization may be willing to pay some or all of the COBRA premiums as part of the package."

We Americans embrace our right to legal action. So I know the question in some of your minds: Outside of blatant discrimination, do I have legal recourse if I've been terminated? It depends on the circumstances. Anthony Soudatt is a lawyer with many years of experience in employee-employer HR issues. "It would be difficult to enumerate a list of employee rights, as they vary depending on the state. And so it depends on the particular issues in question. For example, there is no one standard for overtime pay. Even within NY State, not all employees qualify for overtime in the same manner." This makes it a case by case basis.

Anthony's general statement is that "most employees are employees at will and so the employer has significant flexibility in HR issues." More reality, Anthony says that "as an at-will employee, without a contract, an employer can name you employee of the month and fire you the next month, as long as the firing is not based on race or gender or disability causes. And it is more problematic to show discrimination when you are part of a group who is let go at the same time. An exception would be if the group was composed of older workers. Then it may be possible to show age discrimination."

As always, Anthony advises it's best to consult an attorney to assess your rights. Anthony also has a few points to help the legal resource should you feel it's merited.

1. "If possible, secure and preserve all communications with your employer that document your job performance as well as any discussions which precede the termination."

2. "If your company issues a personnel manual, hold on to your copy or make a copy for yourself. Employers are required to adhere to the policies and procedures outlined in the manual. For example, if the manual states that you are entitled to 2 weeks notice but you are fired without such notice, the abrupt termination would be relevant and useful to your case and perhaps could provide room to negotiate a better severance, if any.

3. "But do not take any information from your company that is considered proprietary. You do not want the company taking action against you for misappropriation of confidential information."

4. "Exercise good judgment as you react to the termination."

Let's face it. You do need referrals, even if you think that your former boss was the product of years of inbreeding and has a diet that is remarkably similar to those girls in the "Two Girls One Cup" opus.

Jennifer Loftus was equally cautious about going the legal route before doing your due diligence to see if in fact you have a case, because unless "you're a member of a protected class, such as a woman or an Asian-American, and have been discriminated against for being such...getting third party intervention is generally not looked on favorably."

In then end, remember Woody Allen, do the best work you can, control the situations you can. To sum it up, like my kidney stone, this too shall pass.