How to Survive Holiday Shopping

Holiday shopping is hell. There is no other way to put it except that I would rather sit through high school health class films (who doesn't love a little "Are you Gay?" or perhaps the infamous "How did I get pregnant?"). As an avid shopper, I like think I'm fairly well versed in this sacred art, but alas, I'm put to shame during this season.

How the champions in mini vans manage a stroller and two plus screaming kids baffles me, especially as I see them scurrying into their fourth store while I continue to peruse my first sales rack. Sometimes I feel a sharp jab as they elbow their way through the crowds, and again I don't understand how they seem to be consistently at the front of every line.

So, this year I have decided to try the art of online shopping. This is my journey into cyber holiday hell...

Discount stores suck. As eloquently put as that is, it is only equivalent to my thoughts concerning Wal-mart, Target, etc. The websites are only marginally better. I'm not going to lie though, toys, books, every mainstream item that exists... is readily available on their sites. But there is only so much satisfaction I can reap from buying something so utterly... commercialized.

Not that I don't appreciate myself some capitalism, but I'm just afraid that within a couple decades we're all going to sell our souls to bargain stores. I love private chains, they make you feel special. And sometimes you need that.

But I still need a musical jewelry box for my younger sister. And it must be exactly that, a musical jewelry box, no more, no less (as she explained to me in about five consecutive voicemails).

So I google "musical jewelry box" (isn't it strange how "googling" something has become such an intricate part of our lexicon?). I get 60,700,000 hits. Every site promises me the best of the best, and I am at a loss.

Going with my instincts, and simplicity, I decide to hit the sites in order of their appearance, because google must know something about relevance. The first site seems great. The second also... and the third... and the fourth...

It's actually kind of weird, why are they all selling me the same products for slightly different prices?

I invested my time into online shopping so as to obtain unique gifts. I specifically did not use the incredibly navigatable (not a real word, but should be) Target website because I figured Alayna, well she needed something special.

One hour later and my ADHD mind is not happy about finding the same pink questionably wooden musical jewelry box on every "special" site.

Then I discover the world of online TJ Maxx.

Overstock, smartbargains, amazon even... this is like a frugal hustler's dream. Everything over half off, everything must go go gooo!

Musical jewelry boxes pop up everywhere, different ones! I've found the light at the end of my tunnel!

Then I realize the dark fact of life, I have sold my soul to the discount devil. Deep down, I am nothing better than a soccer mom, digging desperately through red tag clearance racks...

But is it such a bad thing?

I thought shopping online would save my lazy self from the hell of holiday shopping. Now, I'm coming to realize that in the absence of holiday decal sweaters and minivans, I've begun to morph into one of them.

Next year, it is back to the mall. It's good exercise. Plus I'm not quite computer savvy enough to handle hours of internet surfing.