How to Survive in an Interfaith Relationship

Back when I had met my wife, I started to fall for her fast. Having been in several bad relationships, I had all my brakes on. One day, coming home from my very Baptist church (Jesus-jumpers and sanctified-screamers), I was holding out what was left of my heart until I found out what religion she was.

She mentioned in our conversation that she was Catholic. My heart had a green-light and I fell.

Years later, at our wedding, she and I knelt at the altar. My uber-Baptist family followed her wedding traditions best they could. There was some uncertainty on both sides as she and I collided religious realms.
"What do they believe?" "Who do they pray to?" What's the significance of that?" "Will you have to convert?" All these were questions posed to both she and I during our courtship. Having known Catholics (and having had dated a few), I was fairly comfortable with our compatibility. To this day, we still manage to balance out the two faiths but it takes work and it takes steps. Here are five such steps on how to survive in an interfaith relationship.

Tip #1: Find your similarities - this is the most important step towards having a dual-faith relationship. For you two to successfully be together you need to see what you two have in common rather than how you differ. Mine were the tongue-talking, thank-you-Jeezus-holy-dancers. Hers were the And-also-with-you-altar-boy-Vatican-knowing-Hail Mary-ers. But we focused on what we had in common, the same core beliefs (or as I called it, we had the same big numbers: the Holy Trinity, Seven days of creation, Twelve Disciples and Three days for the Resurrection.)

We have spent very little time on where we differ.

Tip #2: Respect each other's beliefs - You will have differences (if you didn't, you'd be the same religion, Hello!) so be prepared for elements you're not used to. The first time I took my girlfriend to my family's church, I was unsure if she would be comfortable (our choir sang like Aretha, service lasted all day and people broke out shouting and collapsing). However, she respected the different styles and even came to enjoy it on a spiritual level. Whether it's how you pray, when you pray, events of the church, whatever, you'll both need to not only accept the other's belief but embrace it.

Not convert to it but embrace it. You're not giving up who you are but enjoying one more aspect of that great person you found.

Tip #3: Involve yourself in each other's beliefs - Like I said, you're not converting to each other's beliefs (most don't require it nowadays) but you can go to a service or mass. You can ask questions and read about their religion. Remember: you're not giving up yours but accepting theirs. Like someone once told me "There's enough God to go around."

Tip #4: Seek Balance - This is tough but not impossible. If you're avid church-goers than you'll need to balance out attendance. Don't go only to his and not yours or you go to hers and not your own. There's typically about four Sundays a month. There's two of you. Do the math.

Now when it comes to children, expose them equally to both of your beliefs. Then let them gravitate to whatever they'll gravitate to. I often have said that our children will be christened and baptized.

They'll have double the warranty.

Balancing is where your families will struggle to most. Each sees your practice of your religion as tradition and keeping the family history. As you juggle your two faiths you'll have to balance your families' fears.

Tip #5: Be prepared for ignorance - Both our families felt a degree of threat once we started getting serious. Both sides had questions and, thank God, handled such questions respectfully. This will not always be the case. You'll run into some people (and they may be close to you) that vehemently seek to crucify your other's belief.

Be prepared. In such a case, defend your other's religion and if the questioning escalates, leave. Fortify your respect and relationship as soon as possible, your significant other should see that you're there for them and take them for all that they are (and all that they're not).

Hopefully, these tips will aid your interfaith romance. Remember of all things made important among humanity, different faiths preach peace, coexistence and, most importantly, love.

You two can make your religions work, just have a little faith.