How to Survive Living with Your Mother-In-Law
I have actually been living with my wife and her mother for quite some time now; fortunately, it has been smooth-sailing except for a few situations that have arisen over time. There are many things that you can do in order to get along with your mother-in-law and to have just as strong a relationship with your spouse as you did before your mother-in-law moved in.
#1: Realize that She's Family
The number one step in getting along with your mother-in-law and preventing major arguments and disagreements is to realize that your mother-in-law is not your enemy, but quite the opposite. Once your mother-in-law moved in she became part of the family and should be seen that way. This is not to say that she has become "mother of the house," because she hasn't. But realizing that your mother-in-law is not out to get you is crucial to staying happy and having a fresh outlook on issues that arise.
#2: Communicate with your Spouse Daily!
This is also another crucial step in making sure that nothing comes between you and your spouse. One of your fears may be that your mother-in-law will intentionally try to drive a wedge between you and your spouse. However, this probably only is an irrational fear, and even though it probably won't go away completely, can be reduced. By talking to your spouse and communicating with him or her on a daily basis is not only something that you should have been doing before your mother-in-law moved in, but is something that is all the more crucial after she has moved in!
#3: Talk to your Mother-in-law
Even though this is something that many husbands and wives may not enjoy doing, I have found it extremely helpful to talk to my mother-in-law about important issues on several occasions. Furthermore, just "chewing the fat" with her on a daily basis is also a good thing to do. Talking with your mother-in-law about anything will more than likely break the barrier between the two of you if there is one and enable you to have a friendship with her.
Living with your mother-in-law doesn't have to be a bad thing; even though some husbands and wives dread the thought of their mother-in-law even coming for a visit to their house, all of these pieces of advice can go for anyone living with their mother-in-law. Making your house a place of kindness and an agreeable atmosphere, you will present a home to your mother-in-law that will not only be inviting for her, but will also strengthen the relationship between you and your spouse!
Published by Matthew Schieltz
Hello! I am an experienced content writer who has had many accomplishments on and off the writing field. I live with my beautiful wife, Sara, and we currently reside in Ohio in the United States. View profile
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- Realizing that your MIL is not out to get you will make this transition easier for everyone.
- Keeping up good communication with you spouse can help reduce any anxieties you may have.
- Talking regularly with your MIL may help break down a barrier and even create a friendship.
16 Comments
Post a CommentI don't think it's healthy for a married couple to have mother/in law live with them. We need to help in health or financial related mtters. But from experience, mom has become the 86 year old kid you did not waant to raise. Many truths in these other write-ups about complaining and sedetary lazyness. Bottomline is Mom is family, but so are your kids. Kids eventually should leave the nest...that's why when we couple up we leave mom and dad. Loss of privacy leads to loss of intimacy--talking and touching. That creates a psychological wedge between the coupel which can never be good. It strains a marriage, even one that's bee solid for decades. Boomers have become the generation to raise their kids and then their elderly parents. Both have become "boomerangs" for our generation. Odd twist to the name boomer huh?
Ie been with my husband for 5 yrs now and justa last year his mother unispectedly moved in with us at first i tried being nice given the thought shes my husbands mother but over the weeks she would complain and critizise everything from the food to her room.Im just sick and tired of it my husband says she cant live alone becouse she will die couse she doesnt know how to take care of her selfe but being real she is just lazy and likes people to do everything for her from cooking to cleaning even serving her food for her.The thing is she already got me to im going crazy i dont feel comfortable in my own house i feel like my happines is faiting my husband just brushes it of becouse well its his mom but i think she is a ok to live by herself shes just to lazy to cook and clean for her self she says that she cant do n one of that becouse she is a cristian and her only job is to read the bible.Im anoyed becouse if i cook chicken and she wants fish theres a problem i clean she dirtys and also
My MIL has been here a little over a year. she was supposed to stay a few nights and has never left. She honestly trys to stay out my way. but it is very unhealthy and damaging to a relationship to have to deal with something u dont want to. I feel confined. to either my room or office. I cant go in the basement because thats were she sleeps and honestly I just dont want to be bothered. My husband says what am I supposed to do. What he really doesnt realize is it is really pushing me away. and to think we have been together 9 yrs. I feel like I am loosing myself, and my happiness.
The first few days of marriage,I lived with my husband's family.Within two days my sil,who was then a spinster and living in her parents' home started ganging up with mil and started doing rounds of nasty comments as though they were schoolgirls ragging a fresher.My husband was mostly not around when this happened.Another instance when i came back to live in the house,this same rude,almost verbally abusive behaviour continued.We no longer live with my in laws as our jobs are away from in laws place.Now my sil is married and currently living with her husband and mil.I cannot help saying,she has changed sooo much..since her ragging days.Her mil is almost like a military head.when one realises what u sow so shall u reap.i do wish them well,yet it is almost amazing how life turns things around and make people open their eyes.
i feel just like u, my MIL is a sort of poor old lady that acts nicely at her convinience and as soon as she gets the chance she attacks me with her very mean comments, she wants to know everything first, and even when my husband comes back after work she is the one that knows everything before hand, This MIL is a whichwhat i hate most its that she pretend being nce but she just cant wait to annoying with her meand comments. the worst part its that my husband knows it and he just laugh about it. my life is a hell with her. DO NOT MOVE IN TO YOUR MILS HOSE NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVEN IF YOU THINK THERES IS NIT OTHER WAY. TRUST ME YOU WILL REGRET IF YOU DO IT
My MIL (I could feel intuitively) that she does not want me to cook/use her kitchen. So every Wednesday when they are gone for a half day, I take the chance to cook 3 foods for our daughter, and some that I want to eat. These foods I have to freeze too as I can only use her kitchen once a week. Sometimes she caught me cooking still, but it's almost over. Then she approached me and told me why not we take turns in cleaning their home, and she scheduled me to do it on Wednesdays. I felt horrible because it is my sole opportunity to cook. I agreed anyway, smiled and nodded like a good daughter-in-law. There are times when she cleans the home I'd ask if there is anything I can do. She would say No because she wants to do it herself. So I stopped offering help. Also, since we came from different culture (I am Asian, she American) there were many times she would say "Yuck", "Ew" to the traditional food I grew up eating. So I never was able to eat/cook what I craved since childhood
Ok, this guy starts by saying that "fortunately, it has been smooth-sailing except for a few situations that have arisen over time". Sorry, but for me, this does not qualify him to give advice for a difficult MIL relationship. That's like a person with no kids giving parenting advice.
Me and my wife were happily married for 10 years. Then my wifes parents move in because they lost their house. 2 years have passed and I have lost my desire to have sex with my wife and I have begun drinking because I am so unhappy. I will give advice to men and not do this. You will not be happy.
I was faced with this situation 2 years ago with my girlfriend/fiancee. Her mom is a widow and I didnt realize my Fiancee was supporting her financially. I thought all along she was getting insurance money and her husbands pension and social security when her husband passed away but no. My fiancee was pushing for having her mother live with us and I didnt want it. I ended up cancelling the wedding and now I am glad I did. I couldnt understand why she wanted her mother with us. I came back saying that her mother wouldnt want too and she would feel shamed living this way. But in the end I found out the real reason and thank God I cancelled the marriage. She was a nice girl but knowing I would have to live with her mother makes our breakup an easy one. I let a great wife and future good mother to my kids get away because I didnt want to live with my mother law.
Guess What? No regrets!
I would rather be happily single than miserably married.
living with your MIL is just not healthy -- and do not try to "make lemonade" when you do not have to. My wife's mother has been staying with us for 6-8 months a year for he last 5 years, and our family is a wreck. The only thing that keeps me going is our daughter; otherwise, I would have been gone a long time ago. So, DO NOT try make living with your MIL work -- nature did not intend it that way; do yourself a favor and put your family first! I realize now how big of a mistake, a grave mistake, really, I made 5 years ago agreeing to this arrangement (and realizing that I have only myself to blame makes it all the more difficult...)