How to Survive Thanksgiving on Your Own

For many people Thanksgiving is not a time when family and friends gather round the table in Norman Rockwell like comfort and enjoy a family feast. Each year many spend the holiday alone. Perhaps they are estranged from family or living too far to travel to be with family. Some have jobs far away from home and hearth, while others by choice or by design, find themselves "on their own" on this unique American holiday. In a culture that defines Thanksgiving as a family event how do you navigate through the day without sadness? Here are some ways to help you cope.

1. Don't surround yourself with yourself. Borrowing from these great lyrics from the music group Yes, is sage advice. The more time you spend thinking about yourself and where you might be,should be, could be, would be if only? the more time you will spend sad and miserable. Many of us mistakenly think the holidays are about getting, when in fact the true joy of holidays are about giving. No matter what your experiences, or what your past ,the best and healthiest way to spend a holiday alone is to give. To share of your talents and time is not only self esteem building but also magnificently distracting. Volunteerism is not only the highest form of leisure ( engaging in meaningful experiences) it is also a terrific way to broaden your perspective and alter our self talk.
Soup kitchens operate in every city and locality in the United States on the Thanksgivng holiday. Get out the phone book and look up the Salvation Army or your local community charity Volunteer to cook, clean. serve or deliver a meal to a shut in. If you want to feel really special serve a hungry homeless person a turkey dinner or deliver a meal to someone who cannot leave their home.

2. Get out of town. Perhaps you are not able or wanting to visit family and yet you have the means to travel. The best time to travel internationally is Thanksgiving weekend. With domestic air travel heavy and many Americans traveling to Grandma's, air fares and hotel packages to destinations outside of the US are cheap and plentiful. Buck the crowd and plan a trip to a place you have only dreamed about. Try Europe if you are not a seasoned traveler. Paris in November is open and not not filled with American Tourists as is Christmas. Lines at the Louvre are shorter, the Champs Elysees are just as lovely in November as they are in springtime. It's also a clever way to start your Christmas shopping. You can pick up some lovely items in museum shops or uniqely French products in small shops. If you are not a francophile, consider spending time in Spain on a warm sandy beach or Italian isle. Anyway you choose you cannot loose. Air fares and hotels and drastically marked down due to Americans traveling at home and you can snag a great deal. Don't look for any turkey dinners on your trip. Europeans don't celebrate the turkey with the same gusto we yanks do.

3. Create your own holiday. I have a close friend who has often had a difficult relationship with her family of origin. When she married, she picked up and moved to the middle of the country, far from her East Coast family solely for the purpose of not having to spend holidays with them. I know that may sound rough at this time of year, but there are more folks out there who do exactly the same thing for exactly the same reason than care to stand up and be counted. My friend believes it better to create your own family and that is exactly what she has done for the past 20 years or so. Her house is full every year on Thanksgiving with other couples who live far from home, the recently divorced without children or without custody over Thanksgivnig, college students far from home and any variety of neighbors and aquaintances. It's a lovely day for all and there are no dysfunctional family dynamics of many years standing to navigate.

If you are new in town and have not yet had time to make friends or snag holiday invites from others, here are some ideas specifically for the "lone holiday ranger"

1. Movie day. No, not moving day, I said movie day. That's right, get outside of your head visit the local multiplex and make the rounds beginning with the early show and then the mid day show and for as long as you desire and your bottom can tolerate. My non-Christian friends do it every year for Christmas when many movies open, but also because lines are short and theaters are significantly quieter. Let everyone stay home and stuff themselves with turkey and pumpkin pie while you stretch your imagination. Think of all the calories you will save and all the images your brain will work to organize. No movie theaters nearby? Try netflix (www.netlix.com) or blockbuster (www.blockbuster.com) and have them send you a handful of new films no one else you know but you is dying to see. Don't make the mistake of renting holiday themed films as that will only serve to make you feel as if you are missing out.

2. Gourmet day. Not everyone dines on turkey on Thanksgiving and there is no law that says you must eat the bird. You don't have to stuff and roast off a big hen or tom to be happy. If you really love turkey and must have it, buy a turkey breast or some legs and roast them. If you can't bear the thought of eating turkey alone, go gourmet. Spend some time the week before designing a special menu just for you. Even if you are not a great cook, you can whip up or oder some delightful food for your own celebration. Perhaps some eggnog soaked French Toast for breakfast (use a thick absorbant bread like Challah) or sprinkle some caviar on your baked potato with sour cream at lunch time. Maybe you can roast off a single serving of filet mignon with some bearnaise sauce for dinner? Your .local super market is super friendly the week before Thanksgiving when they love getting and keepng new clientele. Ask your butcher fo trim and portion out one single serving of filet of beef, or really splurge and grab a lobster, poach it off and dine on a half fresh poached lobster with some dill mayonnaise on the side. Buy premade crab cakes and have a seafood fest all for yourself.

Whatever your plans, stay away from over consumption of alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant and will make you feel sadder and lonlier than you have to. If you are truly isolated and depressed, call your local community mental health center or crisis number. Many mental health professionals will be working to provide support and perspective for those in need. Don't be afraid to pick up the phone and share if you are depressed about your situation.

Finally, the one mistake most people make on Thanksgiving is thinking that everyone else is somewhere they are wanted and are happy. This is simply not so. Many people do spend this holiday on their own, other's simply are unable to celebrate because they are homeless, jobless or seriously ill. Still others having made the trip. to be with family report not feeling so well for having done just that. Don't be seduced into thinking this holiday is all Hollywood and Hallmark would have you believe. I remember years ago having run into a childhood friend while I was visiting my family for the holidays. She invited me to her home for a quick hello to her family and I accepted. She had prepared this sumptious buffet and each of her family members had filled up a plate and then taken it to a different room in her huge house to consume. Turns out no one was getting along that year.

Be thankful for your job, your dog who loves you unconditionally, your health, your friends, your temperate weather or even your favorite pair of wooly socks and survive.