How to Survive a Zombie Attack

According to my teenage daughter, zombies could be living anywhere and it is only a matter of time before they succeed in taking over. It seems lazy to just sit around watching re-runs of Friends and waiting for the inevitable, but what is a mother to do? Get educated, that's what! You might not catch me studying zombie movies, but I have my zombie survival kit ready for when it happens.

Okay, so the first thing you need in order to survive an attack will also assist you in pretty much any other major life catastrophe-a big stockpile of food and water. Oh, and some Hershey bars because you will need something to help calm you down and if chocolate won't help, you are in worse shape than I can imagine. If you are already a "couponer" (and you know who you are!), you have this covered because your pantry is always overflowing from free and cheap groceries. If you are afraid of using coupons then your stockpile might be low and I'm sorry but the zombies just might get you. I suspect that only the truly frugal will survive an attack.

Next you are going to have to figure out the best way to secure your home. Think about doors and windows and know exactly what you will use to secure them. Start stockpiling something strong, bricks maybe? It depends on how many doors and windows you have. Go to a big box retailer like Home Depot and ask them for some advice on how best to zombie proof to your specific needs. If they look at you funny tell them you are a mystery shopper and you will get excellent customer service. They might still make fun of you, but they will make sure you are out of earshot first.

You need weapons too, lots of weapons. I'm not really big on telling people to stockpile guns, so I think it might be better to invest in a pile of wooden and metal baseball bats. You are going to need a strong stomach, but this is all about survival kid!

Our government doesn't know it, but they provide all sorts of helpful information on how to survive a zombie attack. That is where all of those Homeland Security dollars have been going, Ready.gov is an excellent resource for zombie survival and it's offered courtesy of the American taxpayers. Be sure and write a thank you note to your state senators once you are ready. Unless believe that anyone in civil service is already and zombie and you don't want to tip them off.

Source:

US Department of Homeland Security, Emergency Supply List, Ready.gov